Wednesday, 23 June 2010


Yep I am in a bit of a quandary, for once I have things to say and my problem is that my thoughts just won't come together properly, this is not something I am used to.

For me writing down my thoughts has always been my solice, I am shit at telling people how I feel, I have never been able to express myself verbally in a way that the situation warrants. But my one saviour has always been the fact that what I can't say I can find a way to express myself in writing.

Why am I having this problem you may ask, well the answer is an easy one, I can no longer write as Lola!

There are many reason but the main two are; I no longer feel like Lola, haven't done for a very long time, and as such can no longer find the inspiration. Also and it's a biggy, I now know that the secrets out, someone who doesn't actually know me but knows of me, is well aware that I write this blog and who I really am. And because of this I can no longer express myself in the way I have in the past for fear of being judged, maybe that's the wrong term but certainly of someone making opinions about me that may not be entirely correct.

So for the sake of the tape as they say in The Bill I am not Lola, Lola was always a work of fiction designed with one purpose in mind, to put me back in the driving seat, to learn more about myself. Yes I had some fun, but innocent online fun. Thanks to this yes I learnt a lot about myself and what does it for me.

Ironically it is thanks to this blog that I have a smile on my face recently, Mr Delicious found me through the blog and look how well that's turned out. (Second and third times get the thumbs up as well). I took a chance, I let him into my real life, and thanks to that I am a little bit smiley at the moment, but now ironically he has bought the blog into real life as well!

Double irony was that the reason I found out, and it is is majorly ironic, the person who's friendship with him prompted my post about can men and women ever be friends, commented on that very same blog and in doing so made sure that I am aware that they know who I am. And as this effects my real life, the real me, who's a little unsure of herself, and concerns herself about what people think about me and how they may judge me, so for now I can't see how I can continue to express myself without worry of judgement!

Sunday, 30 May 2010


Now that's not a statement I ever thought I'd make, for more than one reason!

Firstly, my imagination makes for some seriously naughty fantasy's. And secondly it's something I was starting to think would never happen.

But today I sit here and admit that sometimes the reality, it can be so much better than you could have imagined. Quality really is worth waiting for. And damn it's been a hell of a wait - 378 days later and oh it was worth the wait.

What is this reality that was so good you may ask? The answer to that can be covered by two words 'Mr Delicious'.

Maybe, just maybe, the wait is what made it so good, after all we have spent rather a lot of time building up to this, could possibly call it twelve months of foreplay!

Today I confess to being a fully fledged grinning idiot. Flashes of memory from yesterday, last night, and early this morning - oh yes there was quantity as well as quality, anyway flashes keep popping into my head and bang there's the grin.

All day the memory not only of what delights I enjoyed but reliving the feeling, sudden thoughts and hello definite tingling going on, in in a very nice way. Memories of his tongue working hard on my clit as he teased me with his fingers, my legs on his shoulders as his cock finally pushed inside me for the first time, the feeling of being completely filled with his somewhat awesome appendage. Even feeling his cum hot on my tits, not quite my face as he had been fantasising about for a while, but possibly a good idea the first time, because that would have most definitely messed up my hair!

A few more performances like that and he won't just have the title of the best sex you ever had without being in the room with the person. There is definitely a new contender for the Crown.


Sunday, 16 May 2010


Can a man and woman ever just be friends?

How does that work? How do you know someone that well and not ever have a sneaky feeling that you may slightly fancy them.

Mr Delicious has lots of female friends, friends that he is quite close to and it suddenly hit me, I don't have anyone in my life like that anymore, a male friend you fancy doesn't count and neither does one that you have shared bodily fluids with.

My person that would be my equivalent of him, well it was FBD (well was until I was a stupid woman who got drunk and crossed the line), God I hate the fact that most things seem to come back to him. I know I don't miss him in any other way, especially after the cock out on the sofa incident, but I miss having someone like him. We have been friends since I was 14 (believe me that's a lot of years) and I was going out with his younger brother.

Who could have known that a stupid mistake at a BBQ in August 2005 would make me regretful nearly five years later.

He knows so much about me, hell I even told him about one of my ex's having been in prison for attempted murder before I told any of my friends or family, why did I share this with him? Because I trusted his opinion. How stupid of me then only 12 months later to have been with him in my bed allowing him to do very dirty things with a vibrator! Did I allow him in to my life more than anyone else, because we were more than friends, perhaps more than I had before we had done the deed?

I wonder now if we had left it there whether we could have taken a step backwards and just got on with being mates. I know without a doubt that now that it is doubtful we could even be friends let alone be the kind of friends that we were before.

But it makes me wonder, before that night I had never, ever considered shagging him, I was as you will know if you have read earlier posts quite happy to be one of the few girls I knew that hadn't had the dubious honour of shagging him. If it hadn't been for copious amounts of alcohol it would never have happened. But now I wonder, did he secretly over all those years just want to be my friend to get in my knickers?

I've been thinking back today, about all my male friends over the years and what our friendships have actually been about, have I ever had a friendship with a bloke that didn't revolve around sexual attraction and if so why aren't we friends anymore.

Answer is of course yes, over the years I have had quite a few quite close male friends that I have not shagged, but how many of those were men that I have never once thought 'oh hello, yes please' about. Hell for a while I even shared a house with one of my male friends, and we had an absolute fucking ball, granted he shagged nearly everyone of my friends that walked through the door. An honour which was reciprocated by me with quite a few of his friends I must admit.

But the one male friend that readily springs to mind is Jim, and what happened to Jim? He ended up with and has since married one of my then best friends, I actually was the one that got them together. Why aren't we still as close as we were? Simple, even though for a long while she was my best friend, she still made sure once they were a serious couple, that me and him no longer had any time to just mess about and go to the pub, or have burping competitions in MacDonald's on a Sunday afternoon, whilst coming down from a particularly good Saturday night.

Even though she had never taken drugs in her entire life, and probably never would have if not for her desire to understand our friendship, she decided one Saturday night that she was going to do it, luckily she only took a little bit of speed, but it was a night I will never forget, she was off her head and he was angry, WITH ME.

The man who I had danced the night away with, who had been my dropping buddy back in the bad days of E's and illegal rave. Who had spent more than one lost weekend in my company. Who used to stay up all night with me, listening to the Charlatans and Stone Roses, talking the inevitable shit, that five minutes later you can't remember what it's all about. He had a go at me for allowing his girlfriend to take a little tiny bit of speed, I wouldn't mind but I wasn't even involved in her taking it, just had to look after her after she did!

That was the beginning of the end so to speak, they stopped staying at my house so much, found other 'couples' to go out with and I can't remember a time from that night to now, many, many years later where we have spent any time together without her in attendance.

I never want to be that woman, who can't handle the fact that a man can have a good female friend. Or at least I would hope I will never be that person, but I would like to think I am more understanding than that.

But looking back I realise that friendship was quite unique, yes I have had plenty of male friends, many of them who I have never even kissed let alone anything else, but did I fancy some of them? Yes. And more importantly did any of them ever fancy me, again I think that could be a yes.

The other side of the coin also is that a man with close women friends, how do you gain their approval, maybe the wrong word but the only one I can think of that is suitable. I have been there, no one but my BFF was good enough for my BBF. Blokes generally think that any women their mates come into contact with, are either a laugh, well fit, or have no opinion about them at all. But female friends, well believe me they can be a lot harder to convince.

I know it is possible for a man and woman to be friends without anything ever going on, but it still does feel odd that right now I don't have one. Maybe this is why I miss the best male friend I ever had, not for the mind blowing sex but for the fact that I don't have a male friend anymore that knows me better than some of my boyfriends have. Yes I have a male 'friend' who knows me pretty dammed well by now, and perhaps even knows stuff that I could never have shared with Jim or even FBD, but he doesn't count, why? Cos I fancy the pants off him and I most definitely intend on doing the deed with him A LOT!


Friday, 9 April 2010


Yep I think I am currently experiencing what is commonly called a taste of my own medicine.

The penny finally dropped this week that the infuriating wait that is being enforced on me by Mr Delicious is no different to what I have been doing myself.

Since the beginning of Lola, surprisingly soon after the beginning actually. I was found by a young man who was looking for a lady who knew how to take control, (Mr Can a Woman Ever be Truly Dominant). This was well over a year ago and initially we exchanged lots of emails and after a long time progressed onto texts, for a while we were chatting on the phone quite a lot, but hey other things, or should that be other people caught my attention and it was just one of those things that fell by the wayside.

We still exchange the odd text and occasionally he gets very brave and try's to more or less dare me into meeting him. I call this his naughty boy routine, knowing damn well that he's hoping for a good telling off!

I don't why I have never agreed to meet him, well OK I kind of do,I realised that I'm not 100% sure that I can be what he wants me to be. Yes I can take charge in the bedroom, but I am a great believer in give and take when it comes to sex, could I take charge knowing that he is waiting for me to tell him exactly what to do and when. Call me silly but I would rather a man that knows exactly what to do without the need to be told. Maybe one day I will, after all the guy is pretty gorgeous and apart from the 'quirk' the kind of guy that I would usually look at and thing mmmm hello, we share a love of live music and a few other things!

So for now he's still waiting. But guess what, so am I.

I've tasted the medicine and there are few things I can think of in life that taste worse. But hey you never know maybe some new wonder drug will come along that makes the medicine not so bad to handle!


Wednesday, 10 March 2010


It finally dawned on me 7am Monday morning, my lack of mojo is definitely linked to the weather!

One weekend of great weather, where I actually got the opportunity to go out in the sunshine and whoo hoo guess who woke up full of the joys of spring! (For that read as horny as hell)

As I lay in bed with the sun breaking through the blinds, I suddenly just felt good. I found myself wishing that a certain someone was with me to see in the morning in my favourite way.

What’s my favourite way to be woken up you may ask?

Well it’s long been a favourite of mine and on the rare occasion in the last few years that I’ve had the pleasure of waking up with someone I know well enough to know about it, it has never failed to wake me up without putting a huge smile on my face.

It’s one that you just can’t beat, waking up, still half asleep and feeling all drowsy and realising that what woke me up was someone slowly teasing my clit. Lying on my side with a man behind me his arm reaching round and slowly teasing me awake, feeling his rock hard cock pushing against me from behind as he carries on teasing, reaching further down and sliding a finger inside me teasing me, opening me up ready for his cock to slide slow and deep inside me.

What can I say but I am definitely a morning person!

Unfortunately, Monday morning I was all alone, but I really couldn't bear the idea of wasting it, not when that kind of urge has been absent for so long, it wasn't just a mild tingle, it was a full on god I need it now kind of feeling, the sort that no matter where you are you are going to find a way to have a play. So rather than waste the moment out came the toy box!

With a certain someone in mind I thought his favourite toy needed to come out to play, it’s been a while but on the rare occasion that we indulge in phone sex he loves it when I used my purple dildo, me imagining it’s him deep inside me and him being able to visualise what I’m doing (technology is a wonderful thing) what can I say, it’s an odd situation, but it works, boy does it work!

It wasn't quite the fantasy wake up call, no slow kisses on my neck, or feeling his cock slip into me slow and deep, finally waking me up fully. More a sleepy scramble for the box under the bed and rummaging about for the purple pussy pleaser, but once I was ready and I was rather ready, if you catch my drift, I treated myself to the full hard and deep treatment.

Did I care that I should have really been getting up and getting ready for work? NO. Did I think about the fact that if I got carried away I could in fact be very late for work? AGAIN NO.

All I did think about was that it felt good, OK it would have been even better with some male participation, but just knowing that I haven't lost my mojo after all. And best of all, what was going through my mind as I slowly fucked myself, not rushing it just enjoying the feeling of being filled with something solid, well for once I wasn't thinking about him standing watching me, this was no solo expedition, in my mind he was deep inside me, my hands were his hands.

I may have been alone but on Monday morning before work I fucked Mr Delicious!


Wednesday, 3 March 2010


It's something I have long thought, but now I am certain. There's a reason why the past is in the past and not the present.

Recent events have strengthened this conviction yet again! I am actually quite proud of myself for the strength and resolve in this one. The one person in the whole world that could test this theory to it's extremes has certainly done that! It's made me realise that if I can resist that, I can do almost anything I set my mind to.

What is it they say, 'I am a strong confident woman, I can achieve anything my heart desires.'

What prompted this you may ask, three little letters that's what, FBD! Yep despite my whole never darken my doorstep email after Halloween, he has indeed darkened my doorstep again!

Imagine my surprise sitting there happily minding my own business on Wednesday night when my phone bleeps, and as one of my best friends had been sending me rude jokes all day I looked straight away.

(Woman goes to the Doctor's and says, 'I'm getting way too much discharge.' Doctor says 'Pop your knickers off and get up on the bed.' He pulls on his latex gloves, inserts 3 fingers into her vagina and asks 'How does that feel?' She replies 'Fucking lovely, but the discharge is in my ear')

So as you can imagine, I was kind of looking forward to what gem she had sent me to brighten up a boring evening. Instead of one of her extremely un PC jokes there was a sad smiley (well it would have been a sad smiley if blackberry's did them) and the words I MISS YOU, hope your well. Of course I had no idea who it was from because being a strong woman I had deleted his number the same day as the don't darken my door email. My initial thought was someone had sent it as a joke, so I had to reply and asked who it was and was it a wind up. To cut a long story short the reply came back, that it was him, and yet again he got upset that I had deleted his number.

We exchanged a few texts, just pleasantries. How are you? What you been up to? That kind of thing, nothing major I just thought it was weird. Went to bed and thought nothing of it. At no point did I think 'hello bad boy, whoopee some dirty sex is on the cards.' Which considering the lack of actual decent action is most worrying for me.

I have wondered a few times that if if this occasion ever arose, even more so given my current lack of dirty action, would I be the weak and easily influenced woman I have been in the past where he is concerned, but no, like I said, I was strong, no rude thoughts even entered my head. I have to admit my first thoughts was he's pissed, or been chatting with Charlie again.

As I said I went to bed and gave it no further thought. That is until Thursday night when he knocked on my door!

I was chatting to someone of facebook, sat there in my pj's, and there it was being a Thursday I thought it ws my rather elderly and somewhat bored neighbour knocking to remind me to put the bins out, but no there HE was larger than life and twice as ugly!

Talk about gobsmacked! I, me, that can talk for England was totally and utterly lost for words.

He waltzed in like none of the past few months (or should that be last year) had happened and said he had just finished at the gym was passing and thought it would be nice to say hello, talk about cliche!

I didn't know quite how to take it, or what to do! It wasn't pleasant it was just uncomfortable! Pretty soon, we were chatting about mutual friends and what each other had been up to, the kettle was put on and we settled down on the sofa's for a catch up. I was careful to make sure that I didn't sit on the same sofa as him, I didn't want to cath up THAT much.

I couldn't help it though and in no time I had lots of memories interrupting my thoughts. Being bent over the back of the sofa as he teased me with the tip of his cock before sliding it deep and hard inside me. Kneeling on the floor in front of the sofa sucking hard on his cock. So much had happened between us in my humble four walls.

Did the thought ever enter my head to give him a go just for old times sake? Erm yes, I may be strong but hey when a girls not getting any the opportunity of a bit of naughty with someone you know is a great shag is hard to resist.

But resist I did!

After about an hour I said that it was nice to have caught up with him, but that I ad things to get on with (Footloose was on Film 4) and he left. Which is a shocker seeing as it's the only time he has ever been in my house and we haven't had sex! I have to admit that after he had left I did sit there for quite a while thinking about the past and yes my thoughts may have been a little naughty, OK a lot naughty but hey every kind of naughty I know I learnt off him!

I finally made the realisation that there was a good reason he was the past on Friday, the invitation to come round and help him set up his new laptop arrived via text at about eight pm. Did I ever mention he is the least technological person i have ever met! So far during our friendship I have set up 2 computers for him, given him endless lessons on how itunes works and even helped him attach his new DVD player to his TV, simple stuff but he just doesn't get it!

So off I trundled round to his flat, truthfully thinking that he wanted me to help him set up his new laptop. First thing I noticed was that his bed was made all nice and neat, not that I went in his bedroom, but its a very small flat and the bedroom door was open! I did the usual set it all up and was getting ready to go when he kind of pounced, and when I say pounced I mean I looked round and he was sitting on the sofa with his cock out, in his hand!

God I was tempted, till he opened his gob that is a sentence I will never forget, 'Yeah, you've missed this haven't you?' of course said as he's slowly teasing the end of his cock. At that moment I looked at him and thought about it and realised do you know what I don't think I do miss you at all. Do I miss having great sex with someone who knows exactly what to do to make me cum so hard and quick my legs go all wobbly? That would be a yes. Hell I miss having any sex at all at the moment.

But do I miss him? NOPE! Definitely not, after all I hadn't been the one that was so desperate I had obviously text someone who had said emphatically they didn't want to see them again just to get his cock wet. There was no doubt in my mind that was all the last two days had been about.

Maybe I'm just cynical, maybe he did miss me, but somehow I doubt it!

Made me realise once and for all that the past really is best left there, no regrets, of which I admit there may have been the odd few, but there is most definitely a reason why he is my past. I walked out of the flat and didn't look back.

Friday, 19 February 2010


So I have mentioned Mr Delicious before, (in rather a lot of blog posts actually) and he's someone the enters my thoughts quite a lot, probably more than he should in fact, sorry did I say thoughts I think that should have been fantasies!

For a while now I've been saying I would write a special blog entry just for him, maybe even about him. But seeing as I haven't actually had the pleasure of him in my bed YET, I can't write from experience, but maybe the best place for him is in my head, cos let's face it in my head he's amazing!

My problem now is this, it's been so long since I had a decent shag, that I have kind of forgotten what it's all about, I can only fantasize about solo sexploits because that's all I seem to know these days.

So my question is how can I write the perfect fantasy for him, outlining what I imagine doing with/to him when I can't remember what good sex is!

In keeping with this lack of company most of my fantasies seem to revolve around him watching these days which lets face it a hot blooded male isn't actually going to do if it's there in front of him, unless that's his particular quirk of course. In fact I know a couple of people that would be more than happy to be ordered to stand at the end of the bed and watch, but he's definitely not one of them. On more than one occasion he has made it perfectly clear that he's master in the bedroom, something which for once I think I would be more than happy to go along with.

My mojo is fast disappearing and the longer this drought goes on the worse it gets, is it linked to his seemingly misplaced mojo, I think it could be down to the fact that at the moment I feel like I need to help him find it and that doesn't seem to work and I really cant think of anyway of being that dirty naughty mix that first caught his eye. I, that is the real me, doesn't seem to do it for him anymore and that knowledge seems to have sent the part of me that is 'Lola' running for the hills!

I started thinking about it last night, I was thinking about it so much in fact that I got a little bit horny and had a little session with the purple pussy pleaser, apparently he likes what I do with that one and so yes I was thinking about him). It suddenly dawned on me that I can't remember what it feels like to have someone slide their fingers inside me. What it feels like to have a tongue flick my clit, or my nipple. To cum on a mans tongue as his fingers fuck me hard.

Perfect Fantasy is OK for a while but when it starts to effect your mojo fantasy then doesn't seem enough!