BIT LATE TO TELL ME NOW!

Blasts from the past just keep getting more and more interesting.

As I said before there are a few blasts from the past, that have been popping up in 'real' life. People that I have shagged in the past that is one thing, but this is a whole lot more interesting.

We all have someone maybe from our pasts that we all think, 'I wish I had got to fuck you at least once.'

Well one of mine has shall we say re-emerged and guess what? HE WISHES WE HAD TOO!

Talk about flabbergasted, I've been smiling about it all weekend, majorly flattered of course, finding out that someone who I've always though was a bit of a hottie, but was way out of my league. Actually not out of my league (as if that would happen, JOKE), but definitely someone that I never thought would never have been interested in me, to find that he actually has been having naughty thoughts about me for, oh about 20 years apparently, that feels very very good!

Shame he decided to wait and tell me after he has moved away to the West Country. BIT LATE TO TELL ME NOW!

If only he had still been here, or even a little bit nearer, I would have been more than happy to show him what he had missed out on. Although to be fair and entirely honest, in the old days, I was no where near so good in bed as I am now, but shhhh don't tell anyone those that enjoyed the experience back then might feel a bit cheated. So if he had fucked me when I was in my early 20's he possibly wouldn't have been quite as impressed. This is definitely a case where practice really does make perfect. And I am a great believer that women especially don't come into their own in the sexual arena until they reach their 30's. I remember reading an article in a men's magazine once - quite why I was reading a men's magazine I don't know. I'm not talking top shelf stuff, just Maxim or GQ something like that. Anyway this article was about how when a woman hits 30, she is much more likely to be open to trying out things, something I would definitely agree with. Since I hit 30 although I might have had less sex than I did in my 20's, it's been very good and sometimes down right dirty amazing sex, with a few very happy men!

Irony of it all is, both of us back in the day did our fair share of spreading the love around our small but fun little town, but never did each other. I asked him about it on Saturday and his reply, he thought I was always Miss Confident and would never be interested. And being a man that has. let's say a certain image to preserve, never tried where he thought he might fail. As for me, I thought he was Mr Cool, the women he was seen with were always rather cool, a bit hippy chic, definitely nothing like me. I have had people say this to me before, that when I was/am out and about with the girls, I can sometimes come across as Miss Confident/Unapproachable, little do they know, nothing is further from the truth. Guess I am a much better actress than I ever thought.

Irony number two, is that he was only the second man that I know, to find out about the existence of 'Lola' which feels a little odd, to say the least. He seems to quiet like the idea of the naughty minx. But can I be her for someone I have known for what seems like forever, when I am finding it harder to be 'Lola' for those who only know her,and near impossible to be her for those that know the real me. Even Mr Fantastic Phone Sex, I seem to be loosing the ability to be Lola with him, the naughty, dirty minx that attracted him at first, not sure I can be her anymore. Not when it's me that wants him not Lola!

Anyway, all this has got me thinking about the real me and the past (cue a few more posts about blast from the past and sex in strange places) and that actually do you know what, I have in the past had a ball.

xxxx

THE BIRTH OF AN ALTER EGO

So anyone who has read this blog from the start will know that I came into this as a woman with a decimated heart. So how did plans for revenge turn into an alter ego?

When me and Mr X were an item, one of the things that I found it very hard to come to terms with, were the vast numbers of what I then termed 'facebook sluts' (hey guess who's one of them now!) who were added daily to his friends list. I couldn't understand where the hell they all came from?

I did ask him once, his excuse, they saw a man in uniform and added him! At the time I thought nothing more of it but as timw went on and things got worse, I began to think hang on, why’s that, after all he was not a young, fit, hot, soldier/sailor/policeman/fireman, (I mention them all to protect the not so innocent!) That I could understand but a man who was slightly overweight and in his profile picture looks more than a little odd, a bit like a cross between Pigsy from Monkey Magic and Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. Yes, yes, I was with someone less than attractive, but remember love is blind people and I established a long time ago that for me it’s not what a person looks like, it’s what they do for my head!

So where the hell were all these girls coming from? Did I ever consider that in fact he was adding them, of course not! Alarm bells should have been flooding my mind with harsh sounds, but no. Wrapped in my safety blanket of love, my usual good judgement and natural cynicism went out the window and I was completely and utterly oblivious to the seedy world he existed in.

My best friend has since said, it was like he was a paedophile grooming a young girl, he was saying everything I wanted to hear - or what he thought I needed to hear.

The irony of it all, I am definitely not that girl, we all know them the type of girl that a man needs to promise the world to get a shag, never have been and never will be. Anyone who knows me through facebook and has got to know me well, will have got the picture that I'm pretty much up for it, I like sex way too much to be that choosey, so all the bullshit and the promises were unnecessary to start off with which makes them in hindsight all the harder to swallow.

In fact it took another player (FBD) to make me wise up and accept what was right in front of my eyes. It was at the party of a good friend. I hadn't seen FBD for a while, well not since the incident just after Mr X had left and FBD had sorted me out with some proper sex! He had been on holiday for a few weeks and I wasn't expecting to see him at the party seeing as he had only got back that lunchtime. But as I arrived at the party with friends I saw his car, and it all sort of fell into place from there, from the outset we both knew how the evening would end. That was the first night we went a little bit more public, people saw us dancing together and also leaving together!

OK so officially I was still Mr X's girlfriend, however the enormity of his lies and deception was already in my head but I had just pushed it firmly to the back of my mind, if I didn't think about it, it wasn't real and I didn't have to face the awful truth of it all.

That night FBD and I had a good catch up, both in bed and out and finally I started to accept the truth or more like he made me see the truth! I would like to think that he did it because deep down he really cared about me, but I have a little idea that once again he was doing it for purely selfish reasons, he was worried about the rather amazing sex stopping. He made me sit down, albeit in a very drunken state and look at things rationally; forcing me to step outside my feelings for a while (not hard when the best part of a bottle of Jack Daniels had been consumed). Asking what would I be thinking if this was happening to one of my friends, if I saw a man treating one of my friends like this, what I would say to her, to make her see sense.

As the sun came up and I started to sober up slightly and with the clarity of mind bought on by a little bit of Colombia’s finest, (ok so not clarity but very focused) not something I ever do anymore, but in this instance it seemed fitting. As I sat there watching another man sleep, I finally kind of accepted that the man I was in love with had played me well and truly, the wife that had supposedly left him, was still very much his wife! The future I had envisaged for myself and we had talked about was never going to happen.

For a few more weeks though I still found myself making excuses for it, dragging it out, however by this time I was really just pushing for him to tell me the truth, to be a man and tell me that it was over, but no he kept stringing me along, excuse after excuse.

After I finally took the step and called time on the relationship. I tried to get on with things, but the more I found out about the depths of his lies, the depth of which I could never ever predicted, the more I found out the worse and worse things appeared. And the more I found out the more I needed to get back at him and finally a plan started in my head. I had to become someone else to see exactly what he was up to.

The main problem now being that for a while there I lost sight of what Lola was created for - REVENGE. A revenge that seemed to have seeped away and I haven't if I'm honest done half the things I anticipated, hopefully the saying that 'revenge is a dish best served cold' will work in my favour, because this cold dish is about to be served, on a silver platter, uniformed waiting staff, the full shebang!

Quite how far this revenge is going to go I'm still working on. Can I really be as callous as I originally intended to be, can I really do that to another woman, tell her what a lying cheating down and dirty bastard her husband is. Does any woman ever really need to know that? How would I feel if someone approached me out of the blue and told me, would I even believe it? Probably not, will it make me feel better doing it? No. However it will be immensely satisfying, not just for me, but for other people who have seen me through the deepest darkest days of my life.

If I'm honest I have no 'feelings' for him anymore, haven't done for a long time, unless you count pity. Why pity? Because his life must be so empty and devoid of fun and love that he needs to behave in this manner. Having now seen what he does to get his kicks, a happy person in a loving and fulfilling marriage doesn’t need to do that. I should be satisfied just knowing this and yet I still feel pity, is that sign that there are the teeniest remainder of feelings there, or is it perhaps the evidence that no matter what, I am always going to be the better person, that despite the way he treated me, I still have the compassion within me to feel pity and sorrow for him.

Why am I telling you all this now? Well there is of course every chance that with the reason behind Lola about to be put to rest I may feel the need to leave her behind completely. At the moment it is a rather emotive issue for me, can I be Lola when there is no longer a reason for her existence?

I have had a whale of a time, made some amazing friends, had some seriously sexy exchanges, all of which has made me so much more aware of who I actually am, what I what from life and also what I don’t want from a relationship. But what it has made me realise is that ultimately, that is what I want, a relationship, the future that we discussed and talked about that’s what I need. Ideally with someone who can be my friend, my lover and accept me for who I am, who can stimulate me both mentally and physically, appreciate my shall we say, slightly dirty mind, but I now reality has kicked in and I accept that there are not many men out there who would be willing to accept the existence of Lola and still be able to see me for the person that I really am, yes there are men who know ME and are very appreciative of that naughtier side of me, and as much as I want it in some cases (one in particular very much so) if I am honest with myself, it’s never going to happen.

The two are such poles apart; Lola is a caricature, a work of fiction! I have always had a very vivid imagination and maybe she is my greatest creation ever, but that is what she is a work of fiction, yes the thoughts are my own, what I have written about is about ‘me’ things that have happened to me in real life, none of it has ever been a lie, but there is so much more to me than Lola, maybe there is a tiny part of me that is her, I have taken the glimmer of her that exists within me and embellished her to become this caricature of a woman, like Jessica rabbit or Betty Boop, all woman but very much not real and any man that falls for Lola, probably isn’t going to get what he really wants from the real me.

Hey I may decide that Lola is still a part of me that I’m not ready to let go just yet, we shall see.

xxxxx

CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A FACIAL

If you ask most people what a facial was, they would think you meant something that you get at a spa!

Clarins, Dermalogica, Decleor, these are all facials that I have had in the past, but not the kind I'm thinking about now.

This time last year if someone had whispered the now forever ingrained in my mind words 'I want to cum in your beautiful face' I would have thought 'Oh dear, what about my hair!' Now you know by now that I have always been a little adventurous and up for most things in the sexual arena, but this is one thing that I have never really understood.

We've all had mistakes, badly aimed 'I'm going to cum on your tits' shots that end up in your eye, up your nose and running down your neck. But actual in your face, not in my mouth, but just in my face, whats that all about?

It's a subject that my best friend and I spent an entire meal discussing, it was my birthday dinner as it happened. There wasn't even any alcohol involved, it was just one of those conversations that me and her have whether we are sober or not. Quite often she will text me total filth and we spent a good couple of months trying to decide what an 'internal cum shot' was on the porn menu of one of our favourite sites. I even had to text FBD once and ask him, as a connoisseur of porn, whether he had ever seen a double, double penetration in a film, the reason. How could we entertain all the members of Take That in one go, with and with out Robbie!

Anyway the Saturday before I had sent her a text asking her what she was up to, her reply, watching porn. Now this is nothing that shocks me, apart from the fact that it was only about 7pm and I kind of thought that she might be busy getting her kids ready for bed! Anyway for some reason not sure why I replied 'Oh what site you on?' Needless to say she told me and later that night - yep I was on there have a good perv.

So anyway during the birthday dinner, somehow or another we got onto what we had been watching and no surprises for us (we are very connected and a little bit freaky according to her husband)we had been watching the same clips. And although we are both a little naughty, we both also find some of it highly amusing.

What's amusing us the most right now is the ladies that seem to squirt across the room! Most girls have experienced that in a small way, but some of what i have seen has made me think that its either camera trickery or its wee!

But this then bought us on to the subject of facials, as I said earlier the now immortal words 'I want to cum in your beautiful face' have been forever etched in my brain, hey who cares what the situation, being told your beautiful is always flattering. But there is also the whole 'I want you to cum all over my face' and I have to admit that sometimes I may have played on this and told him to 'open your mouth your face is getting it next.'

Now I'm curious as to why the idea of me on my knees in front of him and cuming in my face would be such a turn on. Is it about messing up my beautiful face, is it just the idea that I'm doing what he wants, not too sure, maybe I will have to ask him. I must admit I do have a fantasy, well its not just a fantasy it is something I may have indulged in in the past, on my knees in front of my man sucking hard on his cock, but I like to look up at him see his face as I work on his cock. It has been said in the past that it is very sexy looking into a ladies eyes as she does nothing but give you pleasure.

Anyway back to my original idea for this little post, all these woman that you see on the Internet that are squirting across the room, how the bloody hell do they do it? They seem to be really enjoying it, and I'm not talking the pro's here, I like my porn home-made, and amateurish, and when you see so called home-made stuff that's been posted on some sites and these ladies are doing it you kind of get the impression that they are really, really enjoying it and it's not acting or trickery, and that makes me a little envious.

So for now, the jury is out, maybe the idea of giving a guy a facial is a turn on, the idea of being that turned on you can achieve that, that in itself is horny.

Would I get on my knees and risk stuck together eyelashes and cum all over my face, for someone that made me so horny I was even willing to risk getting it in my hair, hell yeah! There are some people that you would do anything for (well almost anything) people who fill your thoughts with pleasures of the flesh, who with a word or a picture can make you stomach flip and your knickers wet. For that person I would do anything.

I think this lady is going to be investing in some waterproof mascara.

xxxxx

IS IT TIME TO LOOK FOR A NEW FANTASY?

Here's my problem, I have sex with myself A LOT!

If I was a man, you could definitely refer to me as a right wanker!

The problem though is this, for a while now I have been relying on more of less the same little scenario to get me there!

Occasionally a new one will pop into my head, mainly from chats online, or something someone says to me, but when it comes down to it, the same one is always there in the back of my mind.

But recently I have noticed something, it's not always getting me there!

Now the way I see it there are many reasons this could be, one of course being that someone (aka my amazing phone sex friend) has been throwing a little spice into the mix on the phone and his thoughts have influenced my own even when he's not on the other end of the phone.

Or secondly it's time to get a new fantasy.

There have been others, some of them very good such as the spanking I kept thinking about, but when it comes down to it, if I'm feeling horny and need to get there quick this particular little scenario always does it for me normally, add to that Mr Rabbit and it really doesn't normally take much else.

I have tried the usual things, imagining having sex with someone famous and hell how many times and different scenarios can you come up with involving Danny Dyer before it starts being like boring relationship sex! I even tried Kelly Jones from the Stereophonics and it's just not the same.

On Friday night I even had a weird sci-fi sex dream! It could have been the mix of Lemsip, Jack Daniels and Neurofen. Or it could have been my love for the film Barbarella - anyone who's seen the film will know that there are so many fantasies that could result from her antics. I mean hello, she gets to fuck an angel!

So anyway back to 'the' fantasy, its always a slight variation of the same thing, I have mentioned it briefly before. I like to imagine I'm being watched, and depending on where I am, it varies slightly from an obedient naughty boy standing at the end of my bed watching as I pleasure myself, knowing that if he stays really still and doesn't touch his cock I will eventually let him join in. The other current fave is someone watching me through the window, not necessarily someone I even know, but man it's good. The idea of many be the postman (not my postman of course, but a fit young postman) walking past the window and spotting me on the sofa my legs wide, my eyes closed, as I work my clit hard. Of course in the fantasy I know he is there and I am pretending that I can't see him.

It hasn't gone totally un-noticed to me that this fantasy always involves me having sex with myself, no audience participation as it were, maybe it because these days that's what I know best.

So maybe it's not time to get a new fantasy, maybe it's just time for me to get myself some real action!

Conclusion there's nothing wrong with the fantasy, it's just that Lola needs to get laid!

xxxxxx

HOW DO I GET WHAT I WANT AND DO I REALLY WANT IT?

Oh well it's been a strange old week, firstly it was my birthday, something which never sits well with me.

I'm not someone who can do happy, lets have a party just because of a date, if I don't feel like going out why should I just because it's my birthday, after a certain age there is no reason to celebrate getting even older. The best nights are those that unplanned, spontaneous and end up being the kind of night you remember for a long time.

So anyway back to how to get what I really want? This is a little bit of a conundrum for me, for a while now I've been pretty certain about something I really want (yes it is man shaped) and the majority of my naughty thoughts have been taken up by this person for quite a while now, but it's just not happening and I'm starting to think it never will and was never going to.

Is my semi reliance on this one person for adding a little zing to things, holding me back, is it a pipe dream, am I chasing rainbows.

Second part of the conundrum is one of my blasts from the past, not a big blast but a blast none the less, I think I may have developed a little teeny tiny crush, in a very school girl (which I am way, way past being) kind of way. Maybe its just that he has shown an interest in me, the real me, nothing to do with Lola, he wasn't attracted by a pair of tits, or shapely legs in stocking and suspenders, maybe that's what I need a little bit of normality.

But can I go back to normality? A small part of me is thinking that I would only be doing that because I'm not getting what it is I actually really want. Yes I had a little fling with blast number two in the dim and distant past, a quick knee trembler in a car park of a night club (yes more outside fucking, it seems to be a bit of a habit) but as with FBD do I really need to go backwards.

Ah FBD conundrum part three, not spoken to him or even chatted online, but have been asked some very tricky questions about 'us' by people I didn't even know knew anything about it! Why didn't it work out? What did we fall out over? How can I turn my back on something that was so good? All these questions have made me think about it, I never want to go back to how it was before, but on of the questions asked was what if he turned round tomorrow and said right lets do it properly, what would my reaction be.

This has all made my mind go into melt down, I'm not the strongest person in the world when it comes to all this stuff, the last few days have made me realise that I just don't do feelings very well, and when I do get 'feelings' of any kind, even lust I seem to go into slight melt down, become a typical woman and over think absolutely everything.

I know what I think I want, I've been waiting for it for long enough, but what if the idea of that is holding me back from something real, especially if it's something that I'm never going to get.

The irony of it all has been pointed out to me tonight is that physically all three are very similar and even worse is that the object of my desires is so like FBD in so many ways now its been pointed out to me is a little bit freaky, both like to party hard, both make me weak at the knees and damp in the knickers with their filthy minds, but there are other similarities, complex minds and backgrounds. One knows so much about me, things that I have never told anyone else in my entire life and vice versa. But in the same way the other I think could be well on the way to being like that as well, I dont think there is anything I couldn't tell him, he has access to all of my thoughts he gets to see what I think and more importantly what Lola thinks.

Conundrum part two man, even though he could be a passing fancy, something to keep me entertained for a Milli-second, he doesn't really figure in this at all!

When it comes down to it main difference one is the past and one is what I hoped would be the future! Although if I am entirely honest both are quite possibly as unlikely to happen as the other. So now I just have to get my over active mind to get used to that idea!

xxx