Mr X, dispite the amount I loved him (or should that be thought I loved him), had a little performance related problem, which has since known by me and quite a few others as THE FLOPPY PROBLEM!
I spent a lot of time soul searching, all kinds of things going through my head, wondering if it was me, was I not sexy enough? After all I had only had sex with one other person in quite a long time, maybe I had got so used to being with FBD, that I just wasn't doing it for Mr X. After all I knew he could get hard, I had seen pictures and videos that he had sent me of him playing with his 'rock hard 8 inches' (as he called it.) Although looking back on it, with hindsight and combined with the shall we say visual reminders I was treated to just before the big reveal, it possibly wasn't that hard! And the one (yes that is ONE) that looked quite convincing could have possibly have been an old clip.
After a couple of faltering attempts of actually trying to have sex, I began to realise that despite the various excuses he came up with and yes there were lots of excuses, which at first I thought it was just nerves after a few weeks I had to admit that there was indeed a problem.
A couple of times he did manage to get hard enough to fuck me, however this usually involved me dressing up in full fuck me kit, knee high boots, fishnets and basque was his favourite, but even then I could have spent hours bouncing up and down on his cock, (as if he could stay hard for that long), but there was no way he was going to cum. No matter what we were doing, even if it was one of my awesome blow job's (as named by a friend or two lol), no matter how I was trying to stimulate him, the only way he could cum, was with his cock in his hand! And even then it took rather a long time and looked like he was going to have a heart attack or something. I've seen some dodgy cum faces in my time, but his face was just a picture of desperation.
Now call me stupid, although in all fairness and defence to my own stupidity or was it innocence, at this point I didn't know about the wife at home. I was under the perhaps stupid impression that the probem could have been down to the fact that having been on his own for a while and being like myself highly sexed, he had spent a hell of a lot of time wanking and that he just had to get used to being with someone again. I had heard of this happening to guys that indulge in too much self pleasure, they get used to doing it a certain way and after a while nothing else will do it for them. But now with the benefit of hindsight maybe this was the problem at home, if he had a 'little' problem, maybe rather than admitting it to himself, he blamed his wife, she didn't do it for him anymore, so time to look elsewhere!
I spent a lot of time trying to find a solution. I thought that maybe we could try spicing it up by watching some of his favourite porn. This way I could maybe see what it was that really did it for him. It was then that the full picture started to become aparent. I soon starting to think that the problem may in fact be down to the kind of thing he was watching whilst wanking 'Harmony I love getting fucked in the Ass' springs to mind immediately. Now don't get me wrong, I am a very open and liberal person, up for trying out most things, but the kind of porn he was watching was rather extreme and although I had already received a little taster for his fondness of anal, it was only then that I realised just how much this appealed to him, every DVD in his collection had an element of anal involvement.
It wasn't just that, but the fact that it was all very brutal, maybe that's a strong word to use, but to me there is no enjoyment whatsoever in watching a woman getting used and abused by a man, when she looks like she's really not enjoying it.
Now there is a lot more to the Mr X story than I have revealed before, I wasn't the only 'other woman' and the irony of it all the other, other woman is actually an old friend of mine. When I started to have my doubts about his life, I started delving a little deeper, its amazing what you can find out from facebook! I suddenly had the realisation that maybe he was seeing her as well and an email soon confirmed this.
In a weird way I have to thank him for bringing an old friend back into my life, and do you know what? The more I chatch up with her and get to know her again, I begin to realise that there is a reason that he liked both of us so much, we are so very very similar!
So much so that she has read this blog, something that even my best friend hasn't done, she feels that it's just too personal, but the other woman can see it and appreciate it for what it is, and I have a sneaky suspision that her mind could be as dirty as mine! I know as if that's possible, two of us.
This Friday over a cuppa we had a good old giggle and chat about all kinds of things, much to the wonderment of the poor plumber who was there putting in her new bathroom sink and got asked the now immortal question 'Are you into anal sex then Paul?' Poor sod he nearly chocked on his cuppa. This was us drinking tea, hate to think what the conversation would be like with alcohol!
Anyway despite everything that happened, we have become great friends again and we couldn't help but talk about the floppy problem. I was curious to find out whether it had happened to her as well, maybe I was just trying to still reasure myself that the problem wasn't me, but it definately wasnt! Her descriptions of him laying in bed furiously trying to get hard, whilst she lay there wondering if he would notice if she got up and made a cup of tea!
We were sitting there crying with laughter at the idea of him sitting there with his cock in his hand, furiously wanking the look of desperation on his face and pouring with sweat. You could see the look of wonderment on his face when it did get hard for a brief few minutes and he tried to convince himself how ever briefly that he was fixed!
The moral of my tale today people, is that no matter how frustrating, some good came from a really bad situation, I have a few things to thanks him for really, thanks to him I discovered my inner minx and her name is Lola. I have met a few people that I want to stay in touch with forever. One who makes my tummy flutter and want to do extremely dirty things to him. I have re-connected with a very good and when I think back much missed friend. The irony of it all is that in the long run, it's looks like the player is the only looser!
xxxxx
Sunday 31 January 2010
Monday 18 January 2010
THE MAN IN THE BLACK NEGLIGEE
Question how do you look a man in the face, and have a serious business discussion when you have seen photographic evidence of him in a full length sheer black negligee complete with long black satin gloves!
I kid you not, today I was put in that very situation! Whats more I've even seen a video of him on the job so to speak, and not the job we were discussing today!
All this is courtesy of an old friend of mine who used to be his 'girlfriend' I say that in inverted commas because she was the girlfriend who was on a retainer, more of the GFE - Girlfriend Experience in escorting terms apparently! Hell it's amazing what a guy can get away with when he's coughing up a grand a week for the pleasure.
Now you have to realise this was a fair few years ago, as I said a girl I used to be friends with made her living in the oldest profession, lovely girl, but completely nutty and with a coke habit that would kill most people.
Anyway I don't know what it was she did so well but the upshot of it all was that he decided to do a Pretty Woman on her and asked her to give it all up for him (he was originally a punter) however she was more like Kit De Luca from Pretty Woman than Vivian Ward and she wasn't giving it up to be some old mans girlfriend, hence the rather huge weekly 'housekeeping'.
In return for the hefty envelope of cash every Friday, all she had to do was look as slutty as possible and put up with his more unusual requirements. Which included letting him dress up in her underwear, no mean feat considering she's about 5' 5" and a size 8 and hes about 6' 4" and built like a rugby player. He was also a very keen amateur photographer who had a little thing about leaving the result of his work around the house for all to see. Hence me seeing a picture of him wearing the black negligee!
Things came to a head for me though when one day whilst waiting for her to get her arse in gear to go shopping I switched on the TV by the remote to be greeted by them together on the screen - homemade DVD's don't you just love them.
Turned out one of his little 'quirks' was that he liked to think people would see them, and he got off on it in fact.
They split up about 4 or 5 years ago and she disappeared, no doubt to continue as she had before in a haze of girlfriend experiences and coke binges!
He on the other hand I have heard about, he was friends of a client of ours and we bump into each other occasionally. He had no idea that I've seen the pics and I'm never telling him that's for sure!
However today I had to go to a meeting with the said client for a new business venture we are looking into and guess what, he's only the other partner!
How can I work with this man? Every time I look at him all I see is negligee!
xxxxxx
I kid you not, today I was put in that very situation! Whats more I've even seen a video of him on the job so to speak, and not the job we were discussing today!
All this is courtesy of an old friend of mine who used to be his 'girlfriend' I say that in inverted commas because she was the girlfriend who was on a retainer, more of the GFE - Girlfriend Experience in escorting terms apparently! Hell it's amazing what a guy can get away with when he's coughing up a grand a week for the pleasure.
Now you have to realise this was a fair few years ago, as I said a girl I used to be friends with made her living in the oldest profession, lovely girl, but completely nutty and with a coke habit that would kill most people.
Anyway I don't know what it was she did so well but the upshot of it all was that he decided to do a Pretty Woman on her and asked her to give it all up for him (he was originally a punter) however she was more like Kit De Luca from Pretty Woman than Vivian Ward and she wasn't giving it up to be some old mans girlfriend, hence the rather huge weekly 'housekeeping'.
In return for the hefty envelope of cash every Friday, all she had to do was look as slutty as possible and put up with his more unusual requirements. Which included letting him dress up in her underwear, no mean feat considering she's about 5' 5" and a size 8 and hes about 6' 4" and built like a rugby player. He was also a very keen amateur photographer who had a little thing about leaving the result of his work around the house for all to see. Hence me seeing a picture of him wearing the black negligee!
Things came to a head for me though when one day whilst waiting for her to get her arse in gear to go shopping I switched on the TV by the remote to be greeted by them together on the screen - homemade DVD's don't you just love them.
Turned out one of his little 'quirks' was that he liked to think people would see them, and he got off on it in fact.
They split up about 4 or 5 years ago and she disappeared, no doubt to continue as she had before in a haze of girlfriend experiences and coke binges!
He on the other hand I have heard about, he was friends of a client of ours and we bump into each other occasionally. He had no idea that I've seen the pics and I'm never telling him that's for sure!
However today I had to go to a meeting with the said client for a new business venture we are looking into and guess what, he's only the other partner!
How can I work with this man? Every time I look at him all I see is negligee!
xxxxxx
Sunday 17 January 2010
TO JUMP OR NOT TO JUMP?
Question - How do you know if it's right to take that massive jump and tell someone what you want?
Now I am the first to admit it, I am so crap at the man/woman thing, I can talk the talk, but actually pulling my finger out and talking a leap into the unknown, fuck that I'm retreating into my hard shell of sarcasm!
If you've got something good, even if it's not the norm, do you go ahead and risk spoiling that by actually asking for what you really want!
Now I'm not talking anything kinky or even that dirty. Just real! But how I go about that is another thing, I just can't manage it. Maybe it's because it's the real me and not 'Lola' she would have no problem, she would just come straight out with it and say 'enough with the messing about, lets get sweaty!' But there in lies my problem, Lola does no strings dirty encounters and to be honest I don't know whether I can anymore.
It takes me back to my blog post about One Night Stands, there is a one night stand and then there is the so called 'fuck buddy' situation, both of which I've tried and although a proper one night stand is harmless, and by proper I mean you meet someone in a bar/club, you go home and have a night of dirty sex and that's it. No exchange of phone numbers, sometimes not even an exchange of last names, just good old fashioned dirty fun! Then you have the fuck buddy situation, anyone that has managed this I take my hat off to, congratulations your more woman than me!
Possibly even more than I did before I one hundred percent believe that there is no such thing as no strings sex with someone you know well, and someone that knows you well, who can anticipate what your thinking and can even predict your musical taste. How can you possibly have no strings sex with someone like that?
And there in lies my problem, how do you get through that, when two people quite obviously want each other, but both have totally different needs from the other, when one of you is only into no strings sex and the other one is pretty sure they wouldn't want just that. Is it worth spoiling what you already have, which is pretty dammed good if you know its doomed to failure from the start!
The sad thing, this has knocked my confidence, I have found myself sitting here thinking am I no longer sexy, why isn't this bloke gagging to gt in my knickers! This week I started coming to the conclusion that maybe enough's enough, could it be time to accept it and move on, a girl can only try for so long! I'm a determined girl who usually gets what I want, but could this be defeat!
Now I've always been a little dubious about horoscopes and stuff but I started reading mine on facebook of all places and it is so scarily accurate that I now read it religiously. And it's possibly been the cause of these negative feelings, combined of course with my hyper negative best friend, who has not understanding of how I can invest so much time into someone I've never even met.
The last few days have been particularly spooky I think here's a few highlights:-
Sunday
Single? The situation you have been stressing about has consumed too much energy with too little progress. It may be time for you to move on and get the fresh start you need.
Saturday
Single? Time to reassess some of your own goals and priorities, and to say that you have been barking up the wrong tree is a bit of an understatement, no?
Friday
Have you been busy projecting your own expectations on a certain situation, or is it possible that you have not been projecting them enough? Whether you are single or attached, you can not expect progress in your love affairs until all significant parties are fully aware of where you stand.
As you can imagine these combined with the weirdness of my mind in the last few days have been weighing hard on my mind.
And even after days of deliberation, I still don't know whether to jump or not!
xxxxx
Now I am the first to admit it, I am so crap at the man/woman thing, I can talk the talk, but actually pulling my finger out and talking a leap into the unknown, fuck that I'm retreating into my hard shell of sarcasm!
If you've got something good, even if it's not the norm, do you go ahead and risk spoiling that by actually asking for what you really want!
Now I'm not talking anything kinky or even that dirty. Just real! But how I go about that is another thing, I just can't manage it. Maybe it's because it's the real me and not 'Lola' she would have no problem, she would just come straight out with it and say 'enough with the messing about, lets get sweaty!' But there in lies my problem, Lola does no strings dirty encounters and to be honest I don't know whether I can anymore.
It takes me back to my blog post about One Night Stands, there is a one night stand and then there is the so called 'fuck buddy' situation, both of which I've tried and although a proper one night stand is harmless, and by proper I mean you meet someone in a bar/club, you go home and have a night of dirty sex and that's it. No exchange of phone numbers, sometimes not even an exchange of last names, just good old fashioned dirty fun! Then you have the fuck buddy situation, anyone that has managed this I take my hat off to, congratulations your more woman than me!
Possibly even more than I did before I one hundred percent believe that there is no such thing as no strings sex with someone you know well, and someone that knows you well, who can anticipate what your thinking and can even predict your musical taste. How can you possibly have no strings sex with someone like that?
And there in lies my problem, how do you get through that, when two people quite obviously want each other, but both have totally different needs from the other, when one of you is only into no strings sex and the other one is pretty sure they wouldn't want just that. Is it worth spoiling what you already have, which is pretty dammed good if you know its doomed to failure from the start!
The sad thing, this has knocked my confidence, I have found myself sitting here thinking am I no longer sexy, why isn't this bloke gagging to gt in my knickers! This week I started coming to the conclusion that maybe enough's enough, could it be time to accept it and move on, a girl can only try for so long! I'm a determined girl who usually gets what I want, but could this be defeat!
Now I've always been a little dubious about horoscopes and stuff but I started reading mine on facebook of all places and it is so scarily accurate that I now read it religiously. And it's possibly been the cause of these negative feelings, combined of course with my hyper negative best friend, who has not understanding of how I can invest so much time into someone I've never even met.
The last few days have been particularly spooky I think here's a few highlights:-
Sunday
Single? The situation you have been stressing about has consumed too much energy with too little progress. It may be time for you to move on and get the fresh start you need.
Saturday
Single? Time to reassess some of your own goals and priorities, and to say that you have been barking up the wrong tree is a bit of an understatement, no?
Friday
Have you been busy projecting your own expectations on a certain situation, or is it possible that you have not been projecting them enough? Whether you are single or attached, you can not expect progress in your love affairs until all significant parties are fully aware of where you stand.
As you can imagine these combined with the weirdness of my mind in the last few days have been weighing hard on my mind.
And even after days of deliberation, I still don't know whether to jump or not!
xxxxx
Sunday 10 January 2010
THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE UNSOLICITED COCK PICTURE!
What is it about me that says 'yeah you can send me a picture of your cock and I won't mind'! Or 'Hell yeah I'm quite into a bit of dirty.'
Do I have the face that screams 'dirty'? All things that have been running through my head in the last month or so.
The stupid thing is that there is more than one person who I know reads this that could answer this question for me, but as most people don't actually know what I look like it could be difficult!
Call me silly but there I was, sitting there quietly minding my own business when my crackberry binged at my side, an email usually gets me a little excited, not for any naughty reasons you have to understand, but just for the simple reason that I am on the mailing list of quite a few of my favourite stores and they regularly tout their wares to me, usually in the middle of the night!
Anyway, so there I am sitting on the sofa, about half ten at night, chatting on facebook to someone I vaguely know. He was away working in Berlin and was bored, I felt a little sorry for him, poor thing stuck in a hotel room listening to a couple shagging in the room above him, I wasn't doing anything in particular so didnt mind exchanging pleasantries with him. I wasn't in the mood to see the new Dune collection or whatever it was, so I didn't look at the email straight away.
The chat window opens again and he says 'Did you like it then?' Like what? I thought, stupidly under the impression that maybe he was doing that old favourite of mine - typing in the wrong chat window! (Something that has got me into trouble on more than one occasion), the worst wrong chat window experience - doing the dirty thing - the wrong chat window happened to be my cousin!
Now you have to understand this is not someone I know well, he is a friend of a friend kind of thing, we have never even actually met, we know of each other through friends, nothing more. So what happened next came as quite a surprise if not a shock! More chat popped up, 'chatting to you and listening to the people upstairs has made me really horny, do you like how hard you have made me?'
As I read that it was then that I looked at the email, the title should have given it away 'Look what you did to me' as I opened it there it was, yep the unsolicited cock picture!
Talk about shocked. I was sitting there wondering if I had missed something, was he one of them people who I may have bumped uglies with in my bad days past and then forgotten about? Had I come in late one night and had a drunken online chat with him that had maybe got a little flirty, even dirty and then forgotten?
Now you have to realise that this isn't someone who knows about 'Lola' he has no idea about my naughty alter ego. He was actually getting dirty with ME, the real me, not the naughty alter ego, but actual real me.
Now you have to understand that although all of this is 'me' it's a hidden aspect of my life. But here was this bloke that hardly knows me, sending me a picture of his cock. Was my secret out, had he come across my facebook profile or this blog and somehow realised it was me? Don't see how considering my ex-boyfriend didn't even realise it was me!
So there I am sat there looking at a pic of his cock, thinking 'erm no hunnie when you seen a picture of someone's cock being compared in size to a can of fosters and winning,(damn I mentioned him again) that is when I like what I see' and wondering what the bloody hell I was supposed to do or say now!
The worst part of it was that this guy thought that it was ok to send someone he hardly knows a picture of his todger! I mean hello this is real life not naughty alter ego central. Part of me was tempted to just log off, but seeing as I was chatting to other people as well I couldnt.
Luckily I have had the foresight to sort my facebook friends into groups, and as if by magic you can turn yourself off to some people whilst staying online to others. But a part of me was curious as to how far he would go. Would he be asking for a pic in return? People who know my facebook persona know that there are a few pics I could share with him, but this wasn't Lola, this was 'me' and I dont do naughty pics. Well ok I sent a pic of my tits to someone the other day but that was the first pic in a very long time!
Needless to say I turned off the chat box for him and carried on my evening. But it really got me thinking why oh why did he even think it was ok to send me a picture of his cock?
Is Lola seeping into real life? I would like a little bit of her to hang around for real, but maybe only for special people that I know wil appreciate it!
Needless to say a few days later when I plucked up the courage to ask him about it, what made him think that it was ok, no reply. He went off chat very quick I can tell you! And the next day he deleted me, nice or what, maybe he did this a lot and no one else had ever questioned him about it before, maybe he was just embarrased, maybe he just realised that his cock really wasn't that much to show off about!
xxxxx
Do I have the face that screams 'dirty'? All things that have been running through my head in the last month or so.
The stupid thing is that there is more than one person who I know reads this that could answer this question for me, but as most people don't actually know what I look like it could be difficult!
Call me silly but there I was, sitting there quietly minding my own business when my crackberry binged at my side, an email usually gets me a little excited, not for any naughty reasons you have to understand, but just for the simple reason that I am on the mailing list of quite a few of my favourite stores and they regularly tout their wares to me, usually in the middle of the night!
Anyway, so there I am sitting on the sofa, about half ten at night, chatting on facebook to someone I vaguely know. He was away working in Berlin and was bored, I felt a little sorry for him, poor thing stuck in a hotel room listening to a couple shagging in the room above him, I wasn't doing anything in particular so didnt mind exchanging pleasantries with him. I wasn't in the mood to see the new Dune collection or whatever it was, so I didn't look at the email straight away.
The chat window opens again and he says 'Did you like it then?' Like what? I thought, stupidly under the impression that maybe he was doing that old favourite of mine - typing in the wrong chat window! (Something that has got me into trouble on more than one occasion), the worst wrong chat window experience - doing the dirty thing - the wrong chat window happened to be my cousin!
Now you have to understand this is not someone I know well, he is a friend of a friend kind of thing, we have never even actually met, we know of each other through friends, nothing more. So what happened next came as quite a surprise if not a shock! More chat popped up, 'chatting to you and listening to the people upstairs has made me really horny, do you like how hard you have made me?'
As I read that it was then that I looked at the email, the title should have given it away 'Look what you did to me' as I opened it there it was, yep the unsolicited cock picture!
Talk about shocked. I was sitting there wondering if I had missed something, was he one of them people who I may have bumped uglies with in my bad days past and then forgotten about? Had I come in late one night and had a drunken online chat with him that had maybe got a little flirty, even dirty and then forgotten?
Now you have to realise that this isn't someone who knows about 'Lola' he has no idea about my naughty alter ego. He was actually getting dirty with ME, the real me, not the naughty alter ego, but actual real me.
Now you have to understand that although all of this is 'me' it's a hidden aspect of my life. But here was this bloke that hardly knows me, sending me a picture of his cock. Was my secret out, had he come across my facebook profile or this blog and somehow realised it was me? Don't see how considering my ex-boyfriend didn't even realise it was me!
So there I am sat there looking at a pic of his cock, thinking 'erm no hunnie when you seen a picture of someone's cock being compared in size to a can of fosters and winning,(damn I mentioned him again) that is when I like what I see' and wondering what the bloody hell I was supposed to do or say now!
The worst part of it was that this guy thought that it was ok to send someone he hardly knows a picture of his todger! I mean hello this is real life not naughty alter ego central. Part of me was tempted to just log off, but seeing as I was chatting to other people as well I couldnt.
Luckily I have had the foresight to sort my facebook friends into groups, and as if by magic you can turn yourself off to some people whilst staying online to others. But a part of me was curious as to how far he would go. Would he be asking for a pic in return? People who know my facebook persona know that there are a few pics I could share with him, but this wasn't Lola, this was 'me' and I dont do naughty pics. Well ok I sent a pic of my tits to someone the other day but that was the first pic in a very long time!
Needless to say I turned off the chat box for him and carried on my evening. But it really got me thinking why oh why did he even think it was ok to send me a picture of his cock?
Is Lola seeping into real life? I would like a little bit of her to hang around for real, but maybe only for special people that I know wil appreciate it!
Needless to say a few days later when I plucked up the courage to ask him about it, what made him think that it was ok, no reply. He went off chat very quick I can tell you! And the next day he deleted me, nice or what, maybe he did this a lot and no one else had ever questioned him about it before, maybe he was just embarrased, maybe he just realised that his cock really wasn't that much to show off about!
xxxxx
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