It's something I have long thought, but now I am certain. There's a reason why the past is in the past and not the present.
Recent events have strengthened this conviction yet again! I am actually quite proud of myself for the strength and resolve in this one. The one person in the whole world that could test this theory to it's extremes has certainly done that! It's made me realise that if I can resist that, I can do almost anything I set my mind to.
What is it they say, 'I am a strong confident woman, I can achieve anything my heart desires.'
What prompted this you may ask, three little letters that's what, FBD! Yep despite my whole never darken my doorstep email after Halloween, he has indeed darkened my doorstep again!
Imagine my surprise sitting there happily minding my own business on Wednesday night when my phone bleeps, and as one of my best friends had been sending me rude jokes all day I looked straight away.
(Woman goes to the Doctor's and says, 'I'm getting way too much discharge.' Doctor says 'Pop your knickers off and get up on the bed.' He pulls on his latex gloves, inserts 3 fingers into her vagina and asks 'How does that feel?' She replies 'Fucking lovely, but the discharge is in my ear')
So as you can imagine, I was kind of looking forward to what gem she had sent me to brighten up a boring evening. Instead of one of her extremely un PC jokes there was a sad smiley (well it would have been a sad smiley if blackberry's did them) and the words I MISS YOU, hope your well. Of course I had no idea who it was from because being a strong woman I had deleted his number the same day as the don't darken my door email. My initial thought was someone had sent it as a joke, so I had to reply and asked who it was and was it a wind up. To cut a long story short the reply came back, that it was him, and yet again he got upset that I had deleted his number.
We exchanged a few texts, just pleasantries. How are you? What you been up to? That kind of thing, nothing major I just thought it was weird. Went to bed and thought nothing of it. At no point did I think 'hello bad boy, whoopee some dirty sex is on the cards.' Which considering the lack of actual decent action is most worrying for me.
I have wondered a few times that if if this occasion ever arose, even more so given my current lack of dirty action, would I be the weak and easily influenced woman I have been in the past where he is concerned, but no, like I said, I was strong, no rude thoughts even entered my head. I have to admit my first thoughts was he's pissed, or been chatting with Charlie again.
As I said I went to bed and gave it no further thought. That is until Thursday night when he knocked on my door!
I was chatting to someone of facebook, sat there in my pj's, and there it was being a Thursday I thought it ws my rather elderly and somewhat bored neighbour knocking to remind me to put the bins out, but no there HE was larger than life and twice as ugly!
Talk about gobsmacked! I, me, that can talk for England was totally and utterly lost for words.
He waltzed in like none of the past few months (or should that be last year) had happened and said he had just finished at the gym was passing and thought it would be nice to say hello, talk about cliche!
I didn't know quite how to take it, or what to do! It wasn't pleasant it was just uncomfortable! Pretty soon, we were chatting about mutual friends and what each other had been up to, the kettle was put on and we settled down on the sofa's for a catch up. I was careful to make sure that I didn't sit on the same sofa as him, I didn't want to cath up THAT much.
I couldn't help it though and in no time I had lots of memories interrupting my thoughts. Being bent over the back of the sofa as he teased me with the tip of his cock before sliding it deep and hard inside me. Kneeling on the floor in front of the sofa sucking hard on his cock. So much had happened between us in my humble four walls.
Did the thought ever enter my head to give him a go just for old times sake? Erm yes, I may be strong but hey when a girls not getting any the opportunity of a bit of naughty with someone you know is a great shag is hard to resist.
But resist I did!
After about an hour I said that it was nice to have caught up with him, but that I ad things to get on with (Footloose was on Film 4) and he left. Which is a shocker seeing as it's the only time he has ever been in my house and we haven't had sex! I have to admit that after he had left I did sit there for quite a while thinking about the past and yes my thoughts may have been a little naughty, OK a lot naughty but hey every kind of naughty I know I learnt off him!
I finally made the realisation that there was a good reason he was the past on Friday, the invitation to come round and help him set up his new laptop arrived via text at about eight pm. Did I ever mention he is the least technological person i have ever met! So far during our friendship I have set up 2 computers for him, given him endless lessons on how itunes works and even helped him attach his new DVD player to his TV, simple stuff but he just doesn't get it!
So off I trundled round to his flat, truthfully thinking that he wanted me to help him set up his new laptop. First thing I noticed was that his bed was made all nice and neat, not that I went in his bedroom, but its a very small flat and the bedroom door was open! I did the usual set it all up and was getting ready to go when he kind of pounced, and when I say pounced I mean I looked round and he was sitting on the sofa with his cock out, in his hand!
God I was tempted, till he opened his gob that is a sentence I will never forget, 'Yeah, you've missed this haven't you?' of course said as he's slowly teasing the end of his cock. At that moment I looked at him and thought about it and realised do you know what I don't think I do miss you at all. Do I miss having great sex with someone who knows exactly what to do to make me cum so hard and quick my legs go all wobbly? That would be a yes. Hell I miss having any sex at all at the moment.
But do I miss him? NOPE! Definitely not, after all I hadn't been the one that was so desperate I had obviously text someone who had said emphatically they didn't want to see them again just to get his cock wet. There was no doubt in my mind that was all the last two days had been about.
Maybe I'm just cynical, maybe he did miss me, but somehow I doubt it!
Made me realise once and for all that the past really is best left there, no regrets, of which I admit there may have been the odd few, but there is most definitely a reason why he is my past. I walked out of the flat and didn't look back.