Yes I am feeling very random, I have things in my head that are bothering me.
They won't go away and I feel the need to put them to bed so to speak so that the craziness that's going on in my head at the moment can quieten down and let me enjoy the evening.
It's been a strange old few days. I was starting to have doubts about whether 'Lola' was what I really wanted anymore. I guess I just got a little fed up with it always being so one-sided, always on other peoples terms, not mine and that was never supposed to be the way it worked.
Why should I listen to someone wanking in the middle of the night when I can't even speak (long story) when I know dammed well that if I'm feeling horny and wanted the same, it's not going to happen! But is that what I should expect as Lola?
Then the weekend has kind of made up for that, I re-discovered my friends list and a couple of really good fun chats with people made things seem much better.
I have perhaps got myself stuck in a rut and have been relying on people that I perhaps shouldn't for my fun, maybe it's times to realise that, that particular fun is over and they have obviously moved onto filthiness new, so perhaps I should too.
Something strange has happened to me in the last 48 hours as well I have been a lot more 'open' with people than I have ever even thought about before.
Scary? Very, but also a little freeing if that makes sense. More of the complete me rather than just 'Lola' and refreshing to find that there are people that want to know more about me than just the naughty persona and that see through the Lolaness of it all.
I've fallen into this trap before though, let myself get caught up in the whirlwind of that first flirtation and those first naughty exchanges. That hasn't turned out too well, so where to go from here?
I'm more open to things though, even giving some suggestions that have been made some serious consideration.
I'm going to give Lola a reprieve for now, but we shall see, maybe Lola is losing her appeal not just for me but for others as well.