Yes Lola has actually been my alter ego now for a year, 2nd of Feb isn't my birthday it's my anniversary, but I thought it kind of fitting to celebrate it in some way it's a kind of birthday, one year ago Lola was 'born' for want of a better word.
To mark that milestone I have made a big decision. It's been a year, it's been fun, but I think the fun has to end at some point.
After all no one wants to be the last person to leave the party do they!
I think it's time for this party to end, sooner rather than later Lola has to go, not completely this blog will stay - how else will I share my somewhat slightly naughty views on the world, that I perhaps can't share with people in everyday life.
Why do I need to bring the fun to an end? Because I will be honest, I keep finding myself wanting more from life than being a source of wank material for some bloke I've never even met and will never meet. Although to be totally honest there has been very very little if any, of that going on for a while. Naughty thoughts seem to be reserved for 'Mr Delicious' (thanks for the use of that nickname to a very very old friend) if you have got someone, even if it is only virtually that does it for you then why accept poor imitations. I declare that it is Lola's law that everyone needs a delicious in their life! The sad truth is that I am finding it harder and harder and I just can't be Lola anymore, Lola as we all knew her has possibly gone!
I actually had a very bizarre conversation recently by email with a shall we say former soap star who had come across my profile whilst looking for someone else called Lola he asked if it turned me on knowing loads of blokes were wanking over me. Rather forward of him I thought, I don't care who you are, no one gets naughty info out of me till I know them a little bit better! My answer however, seeing as he has never seen any of my shall we say more private pictures, was that anyone wanking over a pair of tits in a bra, or a pair of legs in fishnets, is way too easily pleased for my liking! But it made me realise that's not who I am anymore. If I ever was.
So this year what has it bought me?
Well some fun, hell who am I kidding a lot of fun.
Some great new friends, some of them people that I hope will be friends for ever.
I found out things I never wanted to know. And things I wished I had realised years ago!
I've learnt a lot about myself, what turns me on, what really doesn't and just more about what I do and don't want from a man.
I lost the man that could have been my 'one' because he couldn't handle the newly emerging minx that was Lola, who up until that point had been solely for his pleasure and benefit.
Lola on facebook started out as a means of revenge, a way of getting back at my lying cheating wanker of an ex, try and find out just how sordid his life was and boy did I find out!
The lowest point? That would be Mr X, during a msn chat I described something we had got up to, involving strawberries and champagne,(I found a whole new way of eating a strawberry covered in my own shall we say honey, off his cock lol) when Lola asked if he had ever done that, knowing that he would want to boast more about his so called sexual prowess, to be told 'yeah with some bird I was shagging.' I think that was the moment that I realised, about 9 months too late I might add, that I had never meant anything to him at all, the man I had been in love with, (or was it the idea of being in love with him, that I was in love with), he had never actually felt anything for me at all. This was also the moment I realised that no matter what I tried to inflict on him as Lola, none of it could ever come close to what he had done to me.
In all it's been a truly wonderful year, one that has possibly defined me in more ways than I can explain and for that I must thank my facebook friends you've made it a blast.
xxxxx
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Sunday, 31 January 2010
THE FLOPPY PROBLEM
Mr X, dispite the amount I loved him (or should that be thought I loved him), had a little performance related problem, which has since known by me and quite a few others as THE FLOPPY PROBLEM!
I spent a lot of time soul searching, all kinds of things going through my head, wondering if it was me, was I not sexy enough? After all I had only had sex with one other person in quite a long time, maybe I had got so used to being with FBD, that I just wasn't doing it for Mr X. After all I knew he could get hard, I had seen pictures and videos that he had sent me of him playing with his 'rock hard 8 inches' (as he called it.) Although looking back on it, with hindsight and combined with the shall we say visual reminders I was treated to just before the big reveal, it possibly wasn't that hard! And the one (yes that is ONE) that looked quite convincing could have possibly have been an old clip.
After a couple of faltering attempts of actually trying to have sex, I began to realise that despite the various excuses he came up with and yes there were lots of excuses, which at first I thought it was just nerves after a few weeks I had to admit that there was indeed a problem.
A couple of times he did manage to get hard enough to fuck me, however this usually involved me dressing up in full fuck me kit, knee high boots, fishnets and basque was his favourite, but even then I could have spent hours bouncing up and down on his cock, (as if he could stay hard for that long), but there was no way he was going to cum. No matter what we were doing, even if it was one of my awesome blow job's (as named by a friend or two lol), no matter how I was trying to stimulate him, the only way he could cum, was with his cock in his hand! And even then it took rather a long time and looked like he was going to have a heart attack or something. I've seen some dodgy cum faces in my time, but his face was just a picture of desperation.
Now call me stupid, although in all fairness and defence to my own stupidity or was it innocence, at this point I didn't know about the wife at home. I was under the perhaps stupid impression that the probem could have been down to the fact that having been on his own for a while and being like myself highly sexed, he had spent a hell of a lot of time wanking and that he just had to get used to being with someone again. I had heard of this happening to guys that indulge in too much self pleasure, they get used to doing it a certain way and after a while nothing else will do it for them. But now with the benefit of hindsight maybe this was the problem at home, if he had a 'little' problem, maybe rather than admitting it to himself, he blamed his wife, she didn't do it for him anymore, so time to look elsewhere!
I spent a lot of time trying to find a solution. I thought that maybe we could try spicing it up by watching some of his favourite porn. This way I could maybe see what it was that really did it for him. It was then that the full picture started to become aparent. I soon starting to think that the problem may in fact be down to the kind of thing he was watching whilst wanking 'Harmony I love getting fucked in the Ass' springs to mind immediately. Now don't get me wrong, I am a very open and liberal person, up for trying out most things, but the kind of porn he was watching was rather extreme and although I had already received a little taster for his fondness of anal, it was only then that I realised just how much this appealed to him, every DVD in his collection had an element of anal involvement.
It wasn't just that, but the fact that it was all very brutal, maybe that's a strong word to use, but to me there is no enjoyment whatsoever in watching a woman getting used and abused by a man, when she looks like she's really not enjoying it.
Now there is a lot more to the Mr X story than I have revealed before, I wasn't the only 'other woman' and the irony of it all the other, other woman is actually an old friend of mine. When I started to have my doubts about his life, I started delving a little deeper, its amazing what you can find out from facebook! I suddenly had the realisation that maybe he was seeing her as well and an email soon confirmed this.
In a weird way I have to thank him for bringing an old friend back into my life, and do you know what? The more I chatch up with her and get to know her again, I begin to realise that there is a reason that he liked both of us so much, we are so very very similar!
So much so that she has read this blog, something that even my best friend hasn't done, she feels that it's just too personal, but the other woman can see it and appreciate it for what it is, and I have a sneaky suspision that her mind could be as dirty as mine! I know as if that's possible, two of us.
This Friday over a cuppa we had a good old giggle and chat about all kinds of things, much to the wonderment of the poor plumber who was there putting in her new bathroom sink and got asked the now immortal question 'Are you into anal sex then Paul?' Poor sod he nearly chocked on his cuppa. This was us drinking tea, hate to think what the conversation would be like with alcohol!
Anyway despite everything that happened, we have become great friends again and we couldn't help but talk about the floppy problem. I was curious to find out whether it had happened to her as well, maybe I was just trying to still reasure myself that the problem wasn't me, but it definately wasnt! Her descriptions of him laying in bed furiously trying to get hard, whilst she lay there wondering if he would notice if she got up and made a cup of tea!
We were sitting there crying with laughter at the idea of him sitting there with his cock in his hand, furiously wanking the look of desperation on his face and pouring with sweat. You could see the look of wonderment on his face when it did get hard for a brief few minutes and he tried to convince himself how ever briefly that he was fixed!
The moral of my tale today people, is that no matter how frustrating, some good came from a really bad situation, I have a few things to thanks him for really, thanks to him I discovered my inner minx and her name is Lola. I have met a few people that I want to stay in touch with forever. One who makes my tummy flutter and want to do extremely dirty things to him. I have re-connected with a very good and when I think back much missed friend. The irony of it all is that in the long run, it's looks like the player is the only looser!
xxxxx
I spent a lot of time soul searching, all kinds of things going through my head, wondering if it was me, was I not sexy enough? After all I had only had sex with one other person in quite a long time, maybe I had got so used to being with FBD, that I just wasn't doing it for Mr X. After all I knew he could get hard, I had seen pictures and videos that he had sent me of him playing with his 'rock hard 8 inches' (as he called it.) Although looking back on it, with hindsight and combined with the shall we say visual reminders I was treated to just before the big reveal, it possibly wasn't that hard! And the one (yes that is ONE) that looked quite convincing could have possibly have been an old clip.
After a couple of faltering attempts of actually trying to have sex, I began to realise that despite the various excuses he came up with and yes there were lots of excuses, which at first I thought it was just nerves after a few weeks I had to admit that there was indeed a problem.
A couple of times he did manage to get hard enough to fuck me, however this usually involved me dressing up in full fuck me kit, knee high boots, fishnets and basque was his favourite, but even then I could have spent hours bouncing up and down on his cock, (as if he could stay hard for that long), but there was no way he was going to cum. No matter what we were doing, even if it was one of my awesome blow job's (as named by a friend or two lol), no matter how I was trying to stimulate him, the only way he could cum, was with his cock in his hand! And even then it took rather a long time and looked like he was going to have a heart attack or something. I've seen some dodgy cum faces in my time, but his face was just a picture of desperation.
Now call me stupid, although in all fairness and defence to my own stupidity or was it innocence, at this point I didn't know about the wife at home. I was under the perhaps stupid impression that the probem could have been down to the fact that having been on his own for a while and being like myself highly sexed, he had spent a hell of a lot of time wanking and that he just had to get used to being with someone again. I had heard of this happening to guys that indulge in too much self pleasure, they get used to doing it a certain way and after a while nothing else will do it for them. But now with the benefit of hindsight maybe this was the problem at home, if he had a 'little' problem, maybe rather than admitting it to himself, he blamed his wife, she didn't do it for him anymore, so time to look elsewhere!
I spent a lot of time trying to find a solution. I thought that maybe we could try spicing it up by watching some of his favourite porn. This way I could maybe see what it was that really did it for him. It was then that the full picture started to become aparent. I soon starting to think that the problem may in fact be down to the kind of thing he was watching whilst wanking 'Harmony I love getting fucked in the Ass' springs to mind immediately. Now don't get me wrong, I am a very open and liberal person, up for trying out most things, but the kind of porn he was watching was rather extreme and although I had already received a little taster for his fondness of anal, it was only then that I realised just how much this appealed to him, every DVD in his collection had an element of anal involvement.
It wasn't just that, but the fact that it was all very brutal, maybe that's a strong word to use, but to me there is no enjoyment whatsoever in watching a woman getting used and abused by a man, when she looks like she's really not enjoying it.
Now there is a lot more to the Mr X story than I have revealed before, I wasn't the only 'other woman' and the irony of it all the other, other woman is actually an old friend of mine. When I started to have my doubts about his life, I started delving a little deeper, its amazing what you can find out from facebook! I suddenly had the realisation that maybe he was seeing her as well and an email soon confirmed this.
In a weird way I have to thank him for bringing an old friend back into my life, and do you know what? The more I chatch up with her and get to know her again, I begin to realise that there is a reason that he liked both of us so much, we are so very very similar!
So much so that she has read this blog, something that even my best friend hasn't done, she feels that it's just too personal, but the other woman can see it and appreciate it for what it is, and I have a sneaky suspision that her mind could be as dirty as mine! I know as if that's possible, two of us.
This Friday over a cuppa we had a good old giggle and chat about all kinds of things, much to the wonderment of the poor plumber who was there putting in her new bathroom sink and got asked the now immortal question 'Are you into anal sex then Paul?' Poor sod he nearly chocked on his cuppa. This was us drinking tea, hate to think what the conversation would be like with alcohol!
Anyway despite everything that happened, we have become great friends again and we couldn't help but talk about the floppy problem. I was curious to find out whether it had happened to her as well, maybe I was just trying to still reasure myself that the problem wasn't me, but it definately wasnt! Her descriptions of him laying in bed furiously trying to get hard, whilst she lay there wondering if he would notice if she got up and made a cup of tea!
We were sitting there crying with laughter at the idea of him sitting there with his cock in his hand, furiously wanking the look of desperation on his face and pouring with sweat. You could see the look of wonderment on his face when it did get hard for a brief few minutes and he tried to convince himself how ever briefly that he was fixed!
The moral of my tale today people, is that no matter how frustrating, some good came from a really bad situation, I have a few things to thanks him for really, thanks to him I discovered my inner minx and her name is Lola. I have met a few people that I want to stay in touch with forever. One who makes my tummy flutter and want to do extremely dirty things to him. I have re-connected with a very good and when I think back much missed friend. The irony of it all is that in the long run, it's looks like the player is the only looser!
xxxxx
Monday, 18 January 2010
THE MAN IN THE BLACK NEGLIGEE
Question how do you look a man in the face, and have a serious business discussion when you have seen photographic evidence of him in a full length sheer black negligee complete with long black satin gloves!
I kid you not, today I was put in that very situation! Whats more I've even seen a video of him on the job so to speak, and not the job we were discussing today!
All this is courtesy of an old friend of mine who used to be his 'girlfriend' I say that in inverted commas because she was the girlfriend who was on a retainer, more of the GFE - Girlfriend Experience in escorting terms apparently! Hell it's amazing what a guy can get away with when he's coughing up a grand a week for the pleasure.
Now you have to realise this was a fair few years ago, as I said a girl I used to be friends with made her living in the oldest profession, lovely girl, but completely nutty and with a coke habit that would kill most people.
Anyway I don't know what it was she did so well but the upshot of it all was that he decided to do a Pretty Woman on her and asked her to give it all up for him (he was originally a punter) however she was more like Kit De Luca from Pretty Woman than Vivian Ward and she wasn't giving it up to be some old mans girlfriend, hence the rather huge weekly 'housekeeping'.
In return for the hefty envelope of cash every Friday, all she had to do was look as slutty as possible and put up with his more unusual requirements. Which included letting him dress up in her underwear, no mean feat considering she's about 5' 5" and a size 8 and hes about 6' 4" and built like a rugby player. He was also a very keen amateur photographer who had a little thing about leaving the result of his work around the house for all to see. Hence me seeing a picture of him wearing the black negligee!
Things came to a head for me though when one day whilst waiting for her to get her arse in gear to go shopping I switched on the TV by the remote to be greeted by them together on the screen - homemade DVD's don't you just love them.
Turned out one of his little 'quirks' was that he liked to think people would see them, and he got off on it in fact.
They split up about 4 or 5 years ago and she disappeared, no doubt to continue as she had before in a haze of girlfriend experiences and coke binges!
He on the other hand I have heard about, he was friends of a client of ours and we bump into each other occasionally. He had no idea that I've seen the pics and I'm never telling him that's for sure!
However today I had to go to a meeting with the said client for a new business venture we are looking into and guess what, he's only the other partner!
How can I work with this man? Every time I look at him all I see is negligee!
xxxxxx
I kid you not, today I was put in that very situation! Whats more I've even seen a video of him on the job so to speak, and not the job we were discussing today!
All this is courtesy of an old friend of mine who used to be his 'girlfriend' I say that in inverted commas because she was the girlfriend who was on a retainer, more of the GFE - Girlfriend Experience in escorting terms apparently! Hell it's amazing what a guy can get away with when he's coughing up a grand a week for the pleasure.
Now you have to realise this was a fair few years ago, as I said a girl I used to be friends with made her living in the oldest profession, lovely girl, but completely nutty and with a coke habit that would kill most people.
Anyway I don't know what it was she did so well but the upshot of it all was that he decided to do a Pretty Woman on her and asked her to give it all up for him (he was originally a punter) however she was more like Kit De Luca from Pretty Woman than Vivian Ward and she wasn't giving it up to be some old mans girlfriend, hence the rather huge weekly 'housekeeping'.
In return for the hefty envelope of cash every Friday, all she had to do was look as slutty as possible and put up with his more unusual requirements. Which included letting him dress up in her underwear, no mean feat considering she's about 5' 5" and a size 8 and hes about 6' 4" and built like a rugby player. He was also a very keen amateur photographer who had a little thing about leaving the result of his work around the house for all to see. Hence me seeing a picture of him wearing the black negligee!
Things came to a head for me though when one day whilst waiting for her to get her arse in gear to go shopping I switched on the TV by the remote to be greeted by them together on the screen - homemade DVD's don't you just love them.
Turned out one of his little 'quirks' was that he liked to think people would see them, and he got off on it in fact.
They split up about 4 or 5 years ago and she disappeared, no doubt to continue as she had before in a haze of girlfriend experiences and coke binges!
He on the other hand I have heard about, he was friends of a client of ours and we bump into each other occasionally. He had no idea that I've seen the pics and I'm never telling him that's for sure!
However today I had to go to a meeting with the said client for a new business venture we are looking into and guess what, he's only the other partner!
How can I work with this man? Every time I look at him all I see is negligee!
xxxxxx
Sunday, 17 January 2010
TO JUMP OR NOT TO JUMP?
Question - How do you know if it's right to take that massive jump and tell someone what you want?
Now I am the first to admit it, I am so crap at the man/woman thing, I can talk the talk, but actually pulling my finger out and talking a leap into the unknown, fuck that I'm retreating into my hard shell of sarcasm!
If you've got something good, even if it's not the norm, do you go ahead and risk spoiling that by actually asking for what you really want!
Now I'm not talking anything kinky or even that dirty. Just real! But how I go about that is another thing, I just can't manage it. Maybe it's because it's the real me and not 'Lola' she would have no problem, she would just come straight out with it and say 'enough with the messing about, lets get sweaty!' But there in lies my problem, Lola does no strings dirty encounters and to be honest I don't know whether I can anymore.
It takes me back to my blog post about One Night Stands, there is a one night stand and then there is the so called 'fuck buddy' situation, both of which I've tried and although a proper one night stand is harmless, and by proper I mean you meet someone in a bar/club, you go home and have a night of dirty sex and that's it. No exchange of phone numbers, sometimes not even an exchange of last names, just good old fashioned dirty fun! Then you have the fuck buddy situation, anyone that has managed this I take my hat off to, congratulations your more woman than me!
Possibly even more than I did before I one hundred percent believe that there is no such thing as no strings sex with someone you know well, and someone that knows you well, who can anticipate what your thinking and can even predict your musical taste. How can you possibly have no strings sex with someone like that?
And there in lies my problem, how do you get through that, when two people quite obviously want each other, but both have totally different needs from the other, when one of you is only into no strings sex and the other one is pretty sure they wouldn't want just that. Is it worth spoiling what you already have, which is pretty dammed good if you know its doomed to failure from the start!
The sad thing, this has knocked my confidence, I have found myself sitting here thinking am I no longer sexy, why isn't this bloke gagging to gt in my knickers! This week I started coming to the conclusion that maybe enough's enough, could it be time to accept it and move on, a girl can only try for so long! I'm a determined girl who usually gets what I want, but could this be defeat!
Now I've always been a little dubious about horoscopes and stuff but I started reading mine on facebook of all places and it is so scarily accurate that I now read it religiously. And it's possibly been the cause of these negative feelings, combined of course with my hyper negative best friend, who has not understanding of how I can invest so much time into someone I've never even met.
The last few days have been particularly spooky I think here's a few highlights:-
Sunday
Single? The situation you have been stressing about has consumed too much energy with too little progress. It may be time for you to move on and get the fresh start you need.
Saturday
Single? Time to reassess some of your own goals and priorities, and to say that you have been barking up the wrong tree is a bit of an understatement, no?
Friday
Have you been busy projecting your own expectations on a certain situation, or is it possible that you have not been projecting them enough? Whether you are single or attached, you can not expect progress in your love affairs until all significant parties are fully aware of where you stand.
As you can imagine these combined with the weirdness of my mind in the last few days have been weighing hard on my mind.
And even after days of deliberation, I still don't know whether to jump or not!
xxxxx
Now I am the first to admit it, I am so crap at the man/woman thing, I can talk the talk, but actually pulling my finger out and talking a leap into the unknown, fuck that I'm retreating into my hard shell of sarcasm!
If you've got something good, even if it's not the norm, do you go ahead and risk spoiling that by actually asking for what you really want!
Now I'm not talking anything kinky or even that dirty. Just real! But how I go about that is another thing, I just can't manage it. Maybe it's because it's the real me and not 'Lola' she would have no problem, she would just come straight out with it and say 'enough with the messing about, lets get sweaty!' But there in lies my problem, Lola does no strings dirty encounters and to be honest I don't know whether I can anymore.
It takes me back to my blog post about One Night Stands, there is a one night stand and then there is the so called 'fuck buddy' situation, both of which I've tried and although a proper one night stand is harmless, and by proper I mean you meet someone in a bar/club, you go home and have a night of dirty sex and that's it. No exchange of phone numbers, sometimes not even an exchange of last names, just good old fashioned dirty fun! Then you have the fuck buddy situation, anyone that has managed this I take my hat off to, congratulations your more woman than me!
Possibly even more than I did before I one hundred percent believe that there is no such thing as no strings sex with someone you know well, and someone that knows you well, who can anticipate what your thinking and can even predict your musical taste. How can you possibly have no strings sex with someone like that?
And there in lies my problem, how do you get through that, when two people quite obviously want each other, but both have totally different needs from the other, when one of you is only into no strings sex and the other one is pretty sure they wouldn't want just that. Is it worth spoiling what you already have, which is pretty dammed good if you know its doomed to failure from the start!
The sad thing, this has knocked my confidence, I have found myself sitting here thinking am I no longer sexy, why isn't this bloke gagging to gt in my knickers! This week I started coming to the conclusion that maybe enough's enough, could it be time to accept it and move on, a girl can only try for so long! I'm a determined girl who usually gets what I want, but could this be defeat!
Now I've always been a little dubious about horoscopes and stuff but I started reading mine on facebook of all places and it is so scarily accurate that I now read it religiously. And it's possibly been the cause of these negative feelings, combined of course with my hyper negative best friend, who has not understanding of how I can invest so much time into someone I've never even met.
The last few days have been particularly spooky I think here's a few highlights:-
Sunday
Single? The situation you have been stressing about has consumed too much energy with too little progress. It may be time for you to move on and get the fresh start you need.
Saturday
Single? Time to reassess some of your own goals and priorities, and to say that you have been barking up the wrong tree is a bit of an understatement, no?
Friday
Have you been busy projecting your own expectations on a certain situation, or is it possible that you have not been projecting them enough? Whether you are single or attached, you can not expect progress in your love affairs until all significant parties are fully aware of where you stand.
As you can imagine these combined with the weirdness of my mind in the last few days have been weighing hard on my mind.
And even after days of deliberation, I still don't know whether to jump or not!
xxxxx
Sunday, 10 January 2010
THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE UNSOLICITED COCK PICTURE!
What is it about me that says 'yeah you can send me a picture of your cock and I won't mind'! Or 'Hell yeah I'm quite into a bit of dirty.'
Do I have the face that screams 'dirty'? All things that have been running through my head in the last month or so.
The stupid thing is that there is more than one person who I know reads this that could answer this question for me, but as most people don't actually know what I look like it could be difficult!
Call me silly but there I was, sitting there quietly minding my own business when my crackberry binged at my side, an email usually gets me a little excited, not for any naughty reasons you have to understand, but just for the simple reason that I am on the mailing list of quite a few of my favourite stores and they regularly tout their wares to me, usually in the middle of the night!
Anyway, so there I am sitting on the sofa, about half ten at night, chatting on facebook to someone I vaguely know. He was away working in Berlin and was bored, I felt a little sorry for him, poor thing stuck in a hotel room listening to a couple shagging in the room above him, I wasn't doing anything in particular so didnt mind exchanging pleasantries with him. I wasn't in the mood to see the new Dune collection or whatever it was, so I didn't look at the email straight away.
The chat window opens again and he says 'Did you like it then?' Like what? I thought, stupidly under the impression that maybe he was doing that old favourite of mine - typing in the wrong chat window! (Something that has got me into trouble on more than one occasion), the worst wrong chat window experience - doing the dirty thing - the wrong chat window happened to be my cousin!
Now you have to understand this is not someone I know well, he is a friend of a friend kind of thing, we have never even actually met, we know of each other through friends, nothing more. So what happened next came as quite a surprise if not a shock! More chat popped up, 'chatting to you and listening to the people upstairs has made me really horny, do you like how hard you have made me?'
As I read that it was then that I looked at the email, the title should have given it away 'Look what you did to me' as I opened it there it was, yep the unsolicited cock picture!
Talk about shocked. I was sitting there wondering if I had missed something, was he one of them people who I may have bumped uglies with in my bad days past and then forgotten about? Had I come in late one night and had a drunken online chat with him that had maybe got a little flirty, even dirty and then forgotten?
Now you have to realise that this isn't someone who knows about 'Lola' he has no idea about my naughty alter ego. He was actually getting dirty with ME, the real me, not the naughty alter ego, but actual real me.
Now you have to understand that although all of this is 'me' it's a hidden aspect of my life. But here was this bloke that hardly knows me, sending me a picture of his cock. Was my secret out, had he come across my facebook profile or this blog and somehow realised it was me? Don't see how considering my ex-boyfriend didn't even realise it was me!
So there I am sat there looking at a pic of his cock, thinking 'erm no hunnie when you seen a picture of someone's cock being compared in size to a can of fosters and winning,(damn I mentioned him again) that is when I like what I see' and wondering what the bloody hell I was supposed to do or say now!
The worst part of it was that this guy thought that it was ok to send someone he hardly knows a picture of his todger! I mean hello this is real life not naughty alter ego central. Part of me was tempted to just log off, but seeing as I was chatting to other people as well I couldnt.
Luckily I have had the foresight to sort my facebook friends into groups, and as if by magic you can turn yourself off to some people whilst staying online to others. But a part of me was curious as to how far he would go. Would he be asking for a pic in return? People who know my facebook persona know that there are a few pics I could share with him, but this wasn't Lola, this was 'me' and I dont do naughty pics. Well ok I sent a pic of my tits to someone the other day but that was the first pic in a very long time!
Needless to say I turned off the chat box for him and carried on my evening. But it really got me thinking why oh why did he even think it was ok to send me a picture of his cock?
Is Lola seeping into real life? I would like a little bit of her to hang around for real, but maybe only for special people that I know wil appreciate it!
Needless to say a few days later when I plucked up the courage to ask him about it, what made him think that it was ok, no reply. He went off chat very quick I can tell you! And the next day he deleted me, nice or what, maybe he did this a lot and no one else had ever questioned him about it before, maybe he was just embarrased, maybe he just realised that his cock really wasn't that much to show off about!
xxxxx
Do I have the face that screams 'dirty'? All things that have been running through my head in the last month or so.
The stupid thing is that there is more than one person who I know reads this that could answer this question for me, but as most people don't actually know what I look like it could be difficult!
Call me silly but there I was, sitting there quietly minding my own business when my crackberry binged at my side, an email usually gets me a little excited, not for any naughty reasons you have to understand, but just for the simple reason that I am on the mailing list of quite a few of my favourite stores and they regularly tout their wares to me, usually in the middle of the night!
Anyway, so there I am sitting on the sofa, about half ten at night, chatting on facebook to someone I vaguely know. He was away working in Berlin and was bored, I felt a little sorry for him, poor thing stuck in a hotel room listening to a couple shagging in the room above him, I wasn't doing anything in particular so didnt mind exchanging pleasantries with him. I wasn't in the mood to see the new Dune collection or whatever it was, so I didn't look at the email straight away.
The chat window opens again and he says 'Did you like it then?' Like what? I thought, stupidly under the impression that maybe he was doing that old favourite of mine - typing in the wrong chat window! (Something that has got me into trouble on more than one occasion), the worst wrong chat window experience - doing the dirty thing - the wrong chat window happened to be my cousin!
Now you have to understand this is not someone I know well, he is a friend of a friend kind of thing, we have never even actually met, we know of each other through friends, nothing more. So what happened next came as quite a surprise if not a shock! More chat popped up, 'chatting to you and listening to the people upstairs has made me really horny, do you like how hard you have made me?'
As I read that it was then that I looked at the email, the title should have given it away 'Look what you did to me' as I opened it there it was, yep the unsolicited cock picture!
Talk about shocked. I was sitting there wondering if I had missed something, was he one of them people who I may have bumped uglies with in my bad days past and then forgotten about? Had I come in late one night and had a drunken online chat with him that had maybe got a little flirty, even dirty and then forgotten?
Now you have to realise that this isn't someone who knows about 'Lola' he has no idea about my naughty alter ego. He was actually getting dirty with ME, the real me, not the naughty alter ego, but actual real me.
Now you have to understand that although all of this is 'me' it's a hidden aspect of my life. But here was this bloke that hardly knows me, sending me a picture of his cock. Was my secret out, had he come across my facebook profile or this blog and somehow realised it was me? Don't see how considering my ex-boyfriend didn't even realise it was me!
So there I am sat there looking at a pic of his cock, thinking 'erm no hunnie when you seen a picture of someone's cock being compared in size to a can of fosters and winning,(damn I mentioned him again) that is when I like what I see' and wondering what the bloody hell I was supposed to do or say now!
The worst part of it was that this guy thought that it was ok to send someone he hardly knows a picture of his todger! I mean hello this is real life not naughty alter ego central. Part of me was tempted to just log off, but seeing as I was chatting to other people as well I couldnt.
Luckily I have had the foresight to sort my facebook friends into groups, and as if by magic you can turn yourself off to some people whilst staying online to others. But a part of me was curious as to how far he would go. Would he be asking for a pic in return? People who know my facebook persona know that there are a few pics I could share with him, but this wasn't Lola, this was 'me' and I dont do naughty pics. Well ok I sent a pic of my tits to someone the other day but that was the first pic in a very long time!
Needless to say I turned off the chat box for him and carried on my evening. But it really got me thinking why oh why did he even think it was ok to send me a picture of his cock?
Is Lola seeping into real life? I would like a little bit of her to hang around for real, but maybe only for special people that I know wil appreciate it!
Needless to say a few days later when I plucked up the courage to ask him about it, what made him think that it was ok, no reply. He went off chat very quick I can tell you! And the next day he deleted me, nice or what, maybe he did this a lot and no one else had ever questioned him about it before, maybe he was just embarrased, maybe he just realised that his cock really wasn't that much to show off about!
xxxxx
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
WHY TRY AND IMPROVE ON PERFECTION?
As my old grandad used to say "If it's not broken don't try and fix it!'
If you have a design that's perfect, why try and change it or add to the range? What am I talking about, well silly subject but I'm thinking Rampant Rabbit's. Now this is a subject I feel very qualified to comment on, me and my rabbit until recently had the perfect relationship. The perfect orgasm every time, although I did start to realise 'hang on this is getting a bit like really standard, boring relationship sex!'
Go on admit it we have all had it, it's perfectly good, always concludes with a perfectly adequate orgasm, but before you even start you kind of know exactly what the next 20 mins or so is going to involve. The worst thing is you both think it's great sex, but then one day, usually when someone else makes you hormones zing, you realise 'damn where did the spark go?'
A few months ago I was devastated when when my Platinum Rabbit finally gave up on me, the spinney bit wouldn't spin anymore, them wonderful bunny ears were still doing the fast and furious magic thing, but with out the spinney bit, it just wasn't the same. So as soon as pay day came around I hit the shops ready to arm myself with a new one. Imagine my complete surprise when walking into the local Anne Summers to find that the Rampant Rabbit selection had indeed been breeding like rabbits and I now had a selection of bunnies to choose from. Oh the choices, thruster, g-pulse, platinum plus, elite, twister, wave, heart throb, three way, oh and the thruster delux!
Oh and a couple of them come in a slimmer version - which I found out after a very uncomfortable conversation with the sales assistant in the shop, is for women that are 'too tight' for the big boys! Apparently that's what will break it the quickest, for a few seconds there I thought 'yay I have a nice tight pussy' but then realised that it was more likely that after a few years of a lot of use the poor thing has given up!
So there I am standing there discussing the different pleasure each one offered and I have to say that even I who is usually very open about this kind of thing, found it a little bit wrong discussing my sex toy usage with a woman I had never even met before! My problem, I am the worst person at making decisions, I find it hard enough to choose between Thai or Indian take-away let alone being presented by a vast range of toys that are there solely for my pleasure, but in typical me fashion, rather than make a decision I left the shop without a new rabbit. I made do for a while, after all it's not like I don't have other 'friends' to play with, apparently according to some friends my toy collection is a little large!
But you find one you really like, that hits the spot every time and you stick with it! But every now and again you see something and thing lets give you a go, like picking up a hot man for a bit NSA fun, but after one go you think that was 'nice' but not great and you go back to what you know, ah the penny drops - I am having boring relationship sex with my sex toys!
So upon this realisation I thought, right time for a new breed of bunny, it's a shame you cant do some kind of try before you buy scheme, after all if you don't get on with it, it's not like you can give it to one of your friends. After a lot of thinking I settled for the thruster delux, main reason its doesn't have the new longer flicky ears that if you get them in the wrong position are more like a whip than is pleasurable and I kind of thought the trusting action could more accurately recreate the pleasures of an actual cock, I have yet to meet a man who can make his spin in circular motions!
All the time, wondering of I had made the right decision, should I have just stuck with the relationship rabbit, all the way home a battle going on in my head, should I have stuck with what I know, had I made the right decision to move on, what if I didn't like the new one, could I cope another month until the next payday to be re-united with the love of my sex life!
I couldn't wait to try out my new friend, but thought I should wait till I was really in the mood, for it's maiden voyage, a nice soak in the bath with a good book (once again thank you black lace) scrummy bath oils, followed by crisp clean sheets, blimey sounds like a first date! After all wouldn't want to set it up to fail.
So suitably relaxed, bathed and more than a little horny after reading best part of a book, oh and some deliciously naughty thoughts about someone who has had me hot under the collar for quite a while now, I retired with my new friend!
My first thought WOW WOW WOW, a little bit of lube and Robert's your mums brother! Total bliss, or so I thought, the next night again the same result, in no time at all the sounds coming from my bedroom would have rivaled the scene in When Harry met Sally - but without the faking obviously. As you can imagine I was a very happy bunny, pardon the pun, but I even nicknamed it Thumper, can you believe it like a stupid love struck teenager I had given my toy a pet name!
However like a grubby affair, the shine has quickly dulled and I find myself wishing I still had the boring relationship rabbit. What makes it worse is that my boring relationship rabbit doesn't exist anymore he got 'deluxed' and now has the ouchy whippy ears! Which brings me back to my initial thought.
WHY TRY AND IMPROVE ON PERFECTION
xxxxx
If you have a design that's perfect, why try and change it or add to the range? What am I talking about, well silly subject but I'm thinking Rampant Rabbit's. Now this is a subject I feel very qualified to comment on, me and my rabbit until recently had the perfect relationship. The perfect orgasm every time, although I did start to realise 'hang on this is getting a bit like really standard, boring relationship sex!'
Go on admit it we have all had it, it's perfectly good, always concludes with a perfectly adequate orgasm, but before you even start you kind of know exactly what the next 20 mins or so is going to involve. The worst thing is you both think it's great sex, but then one day, usually when someone else makes you hormones zing, you realise 'damn where did the spark go?'
A few months ago I was devastated when when my Platinum Rabbit finally gave up on me, the spinney bit wouldn't spin anymore, them wonderful bunny ears were still doing the fast and furious magic thing, but with out the spinney bit, it just wasn't the same. So as soon as pay day came around I hit the shops ready to arm myself with a new one. Imagine my complete surprise when walking into the local Anne Summers to find that the Rampant Rabbit selection had indeed been breeding like rabbits and I now had a selection of bunnies to choose from. Oh the choices, thruster, g-pulse, platinum plus, elite, twister, wave, heart throb, three way, oh and the thruster delux!
Oh and a couple of them come in a slimmer version - which I found out after a very uncomfortable conversation with the sales assistant in the shop, is for women that are 'too tight' for the big boys! Apparently that's what will break it the quickest, for a few seconds there I thought 'yay I have a nice tight pussy' but then realised that it was more likely that after a few years of a lot of use the poor thing has given up!
So there I am standing there discussing the different pleasure each one offered and I have to say that even I who is usually very open about this kind of thing, found it a little bit wrong discussing my sex toy usage with a woman I had never even met before! My problem, I am the worst person at making decisions, I find it hard enough to choose between Thai or Indian take-away let alone being presented by a vast range of toys that are there solely for my pleasure, but in typical me fashion, rather than make a decision I left the shop without a new rabbit. I made do for a while, after all it's not like I don't have other 'friends' to play with, apparently according to some friends my toy collection is a little large!
But you find one you really like, that hits the spot every time and you stick with it! But every now and again you see something and thing lets give you a go, like picking up a hot man for a bit NSA fun, but after one go you think that was 'nice' but not great and you go back to what you know, ah the penny drops - I am having boring relationship sex with my sex toys!
So upon this realisation I thought, right time for a new breed of bunny, it's a shame you cant do some kind of try before you buy scheme, after all if you don't get on with it, it's not like you can give it to one of your friends. After a lot of thinking I settled for the thruster delux, main reason its doesn't have the new longer flicky ears that if you get them in the wrong position are more like a whip than is pleasurable and I kind of thought the trusting action could more accurately recreate the pleasures of an actual cock, I have yet to meet a man who can make his spin in circular motions!
All the time, wondering of I had made the right decision, should I have just stuck with the relationship rabbit, all the way home a battle going on in my head, should I have stuck with what I know, had I made the right decision to move on, what if I didn't like the new one, could I cope another month until the next payday to be re-united with the love of my sex life!
I couldn't wait to try out my new friend, but thought I should wait till I was really in the mood, for it's maiden voyage, a nice soak in the bath with a good book (once again thank you black lace) scrummy bath oils, followed by crisp clean sheets, blimey sounds like a first date! After all wouldn't want to set it up to fail.
So suitably relaxed, bathed and more than a little horny after reading best part of a book, oh and some deliciously naughty thoughts about someone who has had me hot under the collar for quite a while now, I retired with my new friend!
My first thought WOW WOW WOW, a little bit of lube and Robert's your mums brother! Total bliss, or so I thought, the next night again the same result, in no time at all the sounds coming from my bedroom would have rivaled the scene in When Harry met Sally - but without the faking obviously. As you can imagine I was a very happy bunny, pardon the pun, but I even nicknamed it Thumper, can you believe it like a stupid love struck teenager I had given my toy a pet name!
However like a grubby affair, the shine has quickly dulled and I find myself wishing I still had the boring relationship rabbit. What makes it worse is that my boring relationship rabbit doesn't exist anymore he got 'deluxed' and now has the ouchy whippy ears! Which brings me back to my initial thought.
WHY TRY AND IMPROVE ON PERFECTION
xxxxx
Sunday, 13 December 2009
EPIPHANY!
I had a little epiphany last Saturday night, well more Sunday morning, but it had started off as Saturday night!
The cause of this epiphany, well possibly the same reason as the last epiphany I had exactly 12 months earlier to the night! Is that freaky weird? Because I certainly thought so. Well I did until I realised that, that was the last time I had had that kind of night out and had shall we indulged in all my favourite past times!
Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll!
Or rather should I say all my favourite past times from the bad old days, well nearly all, I could have indulged in every way, but instead I was a good girl and turned down the sex! I know, me turning down the sex, SHOCKER and do you know what, it had the opportunity to be very good sex, could have even been the chance to fulfill one of my fantasies! But nope, I drew the line at a bit of tonsil tennis behind a pillar.
I did however misbehave on every other level! I am not proud of my past, but I'm not ashamed either, in my early 20's I was the perfect 'ladette' drinking copious amounts of alcohol, having sex with a lot of people, many of whom were one nighters. Staying out all night, sometimes all weekend in fact. And most of all swallowing, smoking and snorting any illegal substance I could get my hands on!
This is something that luckily I don't feel the need to do that often these days, hardly ever in fact. Well OK the sex thing still occurs occasionally and the alcohol and the Rock n Roll, but not often the need to obliterate a few more brain cells with narcotics.
Why this particular evening? Well many things I guess.
The date for one, the anniversary of when one of my oldest friends died in a motorbike accident, it was 11 years this year. And it's one of those milestones each year that makes me feel a little bit older, even if no wiser! Every year without even knowing it, we seem to have some big mad night out on the anniversary of the weekend that he died.
No. 2 the fact that we were in the presence of one of of the original 'mad for it' Madchester boys in the shape of the Godlike Genius that is Ian Brown.
Oh and most of all because it was offered to me and it seemed like a great idea at at that point in the evening. Maybe the need to re-create those heady days of the Stone Roses and that it was such an amazing night that I just thought fuck it why not, it seemed like the ideal way to make a great night perfect and it was taking an absolute age to get to the bar anyway!
So this epiphany that I mentioned, there I am towards the end of the gig, dancing away with my new friends, (the ones who had tempted me earlier in the evening with all sorts of goodies like a peado in a playground, kind of like 'do you want to come and play with my new puppy' but more a case of 'do you want to drop one of these little white things I have hidden in my pocket') there we all were, flying thanks to Ebeneezer and Charlie, when one of them whispered something in my ear that made me smile and blush all at the same time.
Suddenly it hit me clear as day, for those few moments I suddenly realised that the past is behind me, in the last few months I have made decisions in my private life that have ensured that, and that no matter how many 'what ifs' I had in my head before, they no longer matter.
Decision number one was deleting FBD completely, mobile number, email address and most importantly as as facebook friend!
The reason for this, the aftermath of a night out in which I very nearly slept with him again, 'just for old times sake' his words not mine! Having spent much of the night plying me with alcohol and reminding me how good the sex we used to have was. Hell yeah I have to admit I was tempted, so tempted that I even got half way home with him. I will even admit that there was some drunken snogging and a bit of a near miss in an alleyway. But suddenly I realised that nothing had changed, it would never be what I wanted it to be. I didn't really want to have sex with him, I just wanted to try and re-create what we had before, but that could never happen. For a start since the last time I fucked him I have been on quite a journey of discovery.
He had over five years done quite a good job at making me think that there was no better sex than what we had. I realise now that if these so called 'feelings' I had once had for him were true, there was no way on this earth I would have fucked his nephew a couple of months ago! Don't go stressing I'm not a kiddy fiddler, the nephew is 30 this week! I may have had feelings for him in the past, but even though in my head I thought a trace of them could still be hanging around, my heart had obviously decided otherwise. So as I said, I made the decision to cut all the ties, I no longer cared what people would say when they realised, no longer my problem, he had never been my guilty secret, the majority of my friends had always known, he was the one with issues not me! In my final email to him I made sure that he finally became aware of how I had really felt about him.
I also wanted to elaborate on my text last night, you could have had me and by that I mean properly, at any time over the past five years, it hasn’t just been about the sex for me, and if you didn't realise that you are a blind fool. For quite a long time and I was ok with that, knowing that you weren’t into having relationships and stuff - my fault for getting too involved. But then I realised it was obviously just me, strange really because all my friends who knew, as in ***** and ** – they are the only people I have ever told, so I am assuming that it was your big gob that told *** and **** and a few other blokes that have mentioned it to me, so I am not the only one who has been indiscrete. Anyway they both told me I could do so much better, but I guess it was actually the other way round, I’m the one that would never be good enough! Other than **** you were the only person I had sex with for that entire time a fact that you seemed to choose to ignore.
One day I hope the realisation of what you could have had hits you and I hope you regret it.
Obviously the names have been changed to protect the in this case innocent, and the contants of the text are extremely personal, but that gives you an idea of how it went.
I am a little sad though, this is someone who has been in my life for more than half of it, in the time that we weren't talking the thing I missed most was nothing to do with sex, it was the friendship, silly little things that I knew he would also find amusing, suddenly there was no one to share them with and now by taking this monumental step, I will never have that again.
Decision two came the following week! And really seeing as he was the reason for 'Lola' I guess should have been a blog post of his own, but do you know what, I realised that it just wasn't worth it! I finally revealed all to my ex - the fact that Lola was me.
So the revenge what form did it take? Did I go ahead with my plans for revealing all to his wife? Did I get my face to face meet where I got to look him in the eye and say haha sucker? Did I get an apology for the way he had treated me?
Simple Answer NO!
After ten months of reeling him in and getting him hooked on the Lola lovin, how did I finish it? An email! Yes wimp out I know, but do you know what, at the end of the day even if I had got my face to face meet, I would still have never got my answers, I realise now that he is a compulsive liar.
Many people have told me that the email wasn't harsh enough that they would have made sure that he paid for his behaviour. But do you know what, I really couldn't be bothered to waste any more energy on the waste of space. I thought what I said summed it up pretty well, it went like this:-
Sorry I couldn't meet you tonight. The one simple reason for that is Lola isn't my real name, the person who you have been lusting after for all these months and desperately wanting to fuck well surprise surprise you have already or rather tried to, gutted hey? You had it, that naughty minx who knew exactly what to say to make your cock hard (well as hard as you manage) she was yours and you threw that away!
In case your still too thick to work out who I am, it's ........ and you have just been well and truly repaid for the pain and heartache you put me through, would like to say it's been fun, and in a way it has, I have taken great pleasure in watching your sad attempts at trying to get a decent hard-on on web cam, this has given me hours and hours of pleasure, and everyone else who knew about it.
Initially I did this because I wanted to get answers from you as to why you treated me like this but I realise now that you can't help yourself. I feel pity for you, that you are obviously so unhappy with your life that you behave in this way.
But beware if you decide to try and get back at me I have saved every single facebook chat, AIM and MSN conversation you have had with Lola and I am more than ready to start distributing it to your wife and I'm sure next time I have a chat with your mum whilst shopping she would love to hear about your indiscretions might blow out of the water her ideas of you being such a perfect husband and father!
I could have wrecked your life, but hey guess I'm just a much better person than you could ever hope to be.
As you can imagine these have both been pretty momentous things both of which happened in such a short space of time. And last weekend as I moved to the music up close and personal with my new friend (yes the last blog post did pop into my head on more than one occasion)it suddenly struck me, these men had between them made me think that I was missing out by not having them in my life, when in fact it was the exact opposite, they were dammed lucky to have had me and it was their loss in not having me in their lives anymore.
xxxxx
The cause of this epiphany, well possibly the same reason as the last epiphany I had exactly 12 months earlier to the night! Is that freaky weird? Because I certainly thought so. Well I did until I realised that, that was the last time I had had that kind of night out and had shall we indulged in all my favourite past times!
Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll!
Or rather should I say all my favourite past times from the bad old days, well nearly all, I could have indulged in every way, but instead I was a good girl and turned down the sex! I know, me turning down the sex, SHOCKER and do you know what, it had the opportunity to be very good sex, could have even been the chance to fulfill one of my fantasies! But nope, I drew the line at a bit of tonsil tennis behind a pillar.
I did however misbehave on every other level! I am not proud of my past, but I'm not ashamed either, in my early 20's I was the perfect 'ladette' drinking copious amounts of alcohol, having sex with a lot of people, many of whom were one nighters. Staying out all night, sometimes all weekend in fact. And most of all swallowing, smoking and snorting any illegal substance I could get my hands on!
This is something that luckily I don't feel the need to do that often these days, hardly ever in fact. Well OK the sex thing still occurs occasionally and the alcohol and the Rock n Roll, but not often the need to obliterate a few more brain cells with narcotics.
Why this particular evening? Well many things I guess.
The date for one, the anniversary of when one of my oldest friends died in a motorbike accident, it was 11 years this year. And it's one of those milestones each year that makes me feel a little bit older, even if no wiser! Every year without even knowing it, we seem to have some big mad night out on the anniversary of the weekend that he died.
No. 2 the fact that we were in the presence of one of of the original 'mad for it' Madchester boys in the shape of the Godlike Genius that is Ian Brown.
Oh and most of all because it was offered to me and it seemed like a great idea at at that point in the evening. Maybe the need to re-create those heady days of the Stone Roses and that it was such an amazing night that I just thought fuck it why not, it seemed like the ideal way to make a great night perfect and it was taking an absolute age to get to the bar anyway!
So this epiphany that I mentioned, there I am towards the end of the gig, dancing away with my new friends, (the ones who had tempted me earlier in the evening with all sorts of goodies like a peado in a playground, kind of like 'do you want to come and play with my new puppy' but more a case of 'do you want to drop one of these little white things I have hidden in my pocket') there we all were, flying thanks to Ebeneezer and Charlie, when one of them whispered something in my ear that made me smile and blush all at the same time.
Suddenly it hit me clear as day, for those few moments I suddenly realised that the past is behind me, in the last few months I have made decisions in my private life that have ensured that, and that no matter how many 'what ifs' I had in my head before, they no longer matter.
Decision number one was deleting FBD completely, mobile number, email address and most importantly as as facebook friend!
The reason for this, the aftermath of a night out in which I very nearly slept with him again, 'just for old times sake' his words not mine! Having spent much of the night plying me with alcohol and reminding me how good the sex we used to have was. Hell yeah I have to admit I was tempted, so tempted that I even got half way home with him. I will even admit that there was some drunken snogging and a bit of a near miss in an alleyway. But suddenly I realised that nothing had changed, it would never be what I wanted it to be. I didn't really want to have sex with him, I just wanted to try and re-create what we had before, but that could never happen. For a start since the last time I fucked him I have been on quite a journey of discovery.
He had over five years done quite a good job at making me think that there was no better sex than what we had. I realise now that if these so called 'feelings' I had once had for him were true, there was no way on this earth I would have fucked his nephew a couple of months ago! Don't go stressing I'm not a kiddy fiddler, the nephew is 30 this week! I may have had feelings for him in the past, but even though in my head I thought a trace of them could still be hanging around, my heart had obviously decided otherwise. So as I said, I made the decision to cut all the ties, I no longer cared what people would say when they realised, no longer my problem, he had never been my guilty secret, the majority of my friends had always known, he was the one with issues not me! In my final email to him I made sure that he finally became aware of how I had really felt about him.
I also wanted to elaborate on my text last night, you could have had me and by that I mean properly, at any time over the past five years, it hasn’t just been about the sex for me, and if you didn't realise that you are a blind fool. For quite a long time and I was ok with that, knowing that you weren’t into having relationships and stuff - my fault for getting too involved. But then I realised it was obviously just me, strange really because all my friends who knew, as in ***** and ** – they are the only people I have ever told, so I am assuming that it was your big gob that told *** and **** and a few other blokes that have mentioned it to me, so I am not the only one who has been indiscrete. Anyway they both told me I could do so much better, but I guess it was actually the other way round, I’m the one that would never be good enough! Other than **** you were the only person I had sex with for that entire time a fact that you seemed to choose to ignore.
One day I hope the realisation of what you could have had hits you and I hope you regret it.
Obviously the names have been changed to protect the in this case innocent, and the contants of the text are extremely personal, but that gives you an idea of how it went.
I am a little sad though, this is someone who has been in my life for more than half of it, in the time that we weren't talking the thing I missed most was nothing to do with sex, it was the friendship, silly little things that I knew he would also find amusing, suddenly there was no one to share them with and now by taking this monumental step, I will never have that again.
Decision two came the following week! And really seeing as he was the reason for 'Lola' I guess should have been a blog post of his own, but do you know what, I realised that it just wasn't worth it! I finally revealed all to my ex - the fact that Lola was me.
So the revenge what form did it take? Did I go ahead with my plans for revealing all to his wife? Did I get my face to face meet where I got to look him in the eye and say haha sucker? Did I get an apology for the way he had treated me?
Simple Answer NO!
After ten months of reeling him in and getting him hooked on the Lola lovin, how did I finish it? An email! Yes wimp out I know, but do you know what, at the end of the day even if I had got my face to face meet, I would still have never got my answers, I realise now that he is a compulsive liar.
Many people have told me that the email wasn't harsh enough that they would have made sure that he paid for his behaviour. But do you know what, I really couldn't be bothered to waste any more energy on the waste of space. I thought what I said summed it up pretty well, it went like this:-
Sorry I couldn't meet you tonight. The one simple reason for that is Lola isn't my real name, the person who you have been lusting after for all these months and desperately wanting to fuck well surprise surprise you have already or rather tried to, gutted hey? You had it, that naughty minx who knew exactly what to say to make your cock hard (well as hard as you manage) she was yours and you threw that away!
In case your still too thick to work out who I am, it's ........ and you have just been well and truly repaid for the pain and heartache you put me through, would like to say it's been fun, and in a way it has, I have taken great pleasure in watching your sad attempts at trying to get a decent hard-on on web cam, this has given me hours and hours of pleasure, and everyone else who knew about it.
Initially I did this because I wanted to get answers from you as to why you treated me like this but I realise now that you can't help yourself. I feel pity for you, that you are obviously so unhappy with your life that you behave in this way.
But beware if you decide to try and get back at me I have saved every single facebook chat, AIM and MSN conversation you have had with Lola and I am more than ready to start distributing it to your wife and I'm sure next time I have a chat with your mum whilst shopping she would love to hear about your indiscretions might blow out of the water her ideas of you being such a perfect husband and father!
I could have wrecked your life, but hey guess I'm just a much better person than you could ever hope to be.
As you can imagine these have both been pretty momentous things both of which happened in such a short space of time. And last weekend as I moved to the music up close and personal with my new friend (yes the last blog post did pop into my head on more than one occasion)it suddenly struck me, these men had between them made me think that I was missing out by not having them in my life, when in fact it was the exact opposite, they were dammed lucky to have had me and it was their loss in not having me in their lives anymore.
xxxxx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
