TO JUMP OR NOT TO JUMP?

Question - How do you know if it's right to take that massive jump and tell someone what you want?

Now I am the first to admit it, I am so crap at the man/woman thing, I can talk the talk, but actually pulling my finger out and talking a leap into the unknown, fuck that I'm retreating into my hard shell of sarcasm!

If you've got something good, even if it's not the norm, do you go ahead and risk spoiling that by actually asking for what you really want!

Now I'm not talking anything kinky or even that dirty. Just real! But how I go about that is another thing, I just can't manage it. Maybe it's because it's the real me and not 'Lola' she would have no problem, she would just come straight out with it and say 'enough with the messing about, lets get sweaty!' But there in lies my problem, Lola does no strings dirty encounters and to be honest I don't know whether I can anymore.

It takes me back to my blog post about One Night Stands, there is a one night stand and then there is the so called 'fuck buddy' situation, both of which I've tried and although a proper one night stand is harmless, and by proper I mean you meet someone in a bar/club, you go home and have a night of dirty sex and that's it. No exchange of phone numbers, sometimes not even an exchange of last names, just good old fashioned dirty fun! Then you have the fuck buddy situation, anyone that has managed this I take my hat off to, congratulations your more woman than me!

Possibly even more than I did before I one hundred percent believe that there is no such thing as no strings sex with someone you know well, and someone that knows you well, who can anticipate what your thinking and can even predict your musical taste. How can you possibly have no strings sex with someone like that?

And there in lies my problem, how do you get through that, when two people quite obviously want each other, but both have totally different needs from the other, when one of you is only into no strings sex and the other one is pretty sure they wouldn't want just that. Is it worth spoiling what you already have, which is pretty dammed good if you know its doomed to failure from the start!

The sad thing, this has knocked my confidence, I have found myself sitting here thinking am I no longer sexy, why isn't this bloke gagging to gt in my knickers! This week I started coming to the conclusion that maybe enough's enough, could it be time to accept it and move on, a girl can only try for so long! I'm a determined girl who usually gets what I want, but could this be defeat!

Now I've always been a little dubious about horoscopes and stuff but I started reading mine on facebook of all places and it is so scarily accurate that I now read it religiously. And it's possibly been the cause of these negative feelings, combined of course with my hyper negative best friend, who has not understanding of how I can invest so much time into someone I've never even met.

The last few days have been particularly spooky I think here's a few highlights:-

Sunday

Single? The situation you have been stressing about has consumed too much energy with too little progress. It may be time for you to move on and get the fresh start you need.

Saturday

Single? Time to reassess some of your own goals and priorities, and to say that you have been barking up the wrong tree is a bit of an understatement, no?

Friday

Have you been busy projecting your own expectations on a certain situation, or is it possible that you have not been projecting them enough? Whether you are single or attached, you can not expect progress in your love affairs until all significant parties are fully aware of where you stand.

As you can imagine these combined with the weirdness of my mind in the last few days have been weighing hard on my mind.

And even after days of deliberation, I still don't know whether to jump or not!

xxxxx

THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE UNSOLICITED COCK PICTURE!

What is it about me that says 'yeah you can send me a picture of your cock and I won't mind'! Or 'Hell yeah I'm quite into a bit of dirty.'

Do I have the face that screams 'dirty'? All things that have been running through my head in the last month or so.

The stupid thing is that there is more than one person who I know reads this that could answer this question for me, but as most people don't actually know what I look like it could be difficult!

Call me silly but there I was, sitting there quietly minding my own business when my crackberry binged at my side, an email usually gets me a little excited, not for any naughty reasons you have to understand, but just for the simple reason that I am on the mailing list of quite a few of my favourite stores and they regularly tout their wares to me, usually in the middle of the night!

Anyway, so there I am sitting on the sofa, about half ten at night, chatting on facebook to someone I vaguely know. He was away working in Berlin and was bored, I felt a little sorry for him, poor thing stuck in a hotel room listening to a couple shagging in the room above him, I wasn't doing anything in particular so didnt mind exchanging pleasantries with him. I wasn't in the mood to see the new Dune collection or whatever it was, so I didn't look at the email straight away.

The chat window opens again and he says 'Did you like it then?' Like what? I thought, stupidly under the impression that maybe he was doing that old favourite of mine - typing in the wrong chat window! (Something that has got me into trouble on more than one occasion), the worst wrong chat window experience - doing the dirty thing - the wrong chat window happened to be my cousin!

Now you have to understand this is not someone I know well, he is a friend of a friend kind of thing, we have never even actually met, we know of each other through friends, nothing more. So what happened next came as quite a surprise if not a shock! More chat popped up, 'chatting to you and listening to the people upstairs has made me really horny, do you like how hard you have made me?'

As I read that it was then that I looked at the email, the title should have given it away 'Look what you did to me' as I opened it there it was, yep the unsolicited cock picture!

Talk about shocked. I was sitting there wondering if I had missed something, was he one of them people who I may have bumped uglies with in my bad days past and then forgotten about? Had I come in late one night and had a drunken online chat with him that had maybe got a little flirty, even dirty and then forgotten?

Now you have to realise that this isn't someone who knows about 'Lola' he has no idea about my naughty alter ego. He was actually getting dirty with ME, the real me, not the naughty alter ego, but actual real me.

Now you have to understand that although all of this is 'me' it's a hidden aspect of my life. But here was this bloke that hardly knows me, sending me a picture of his cock. Was my secret out, had he come across my facebook profile or this blog and somehow realised it was me? Don't see how considering my ex-boyfriend didn't even realise it was me!

So there I am sat there looking at a pic of his cock, thinking 'erm no hunnie when you seen a picture of someone's cock being compared in size to a can of fosters and winning,(damn I mentioned him again) that is when I like what I see' and wondering what the bloody hell I was supposed to do or say now!

The worst part of it was that this guy thought that it was ok to send someone he hardly knows a picture of his todger! I mean hello this is real life not naughty alter ego central. Part of me was tempted to just log off, but seeing as I was chatting to other people as well I couldnt.

Luckily I have had the foresight to sort my facebook friends into groups, and as if by magic you can turn yourself off to some people whilst staying online to others. But a part of me was curious as to how far he would go. Would he be asking for a pic in return? People who know my facebook persona know that there are a few pics I could share with him, but this wasn't Lola, this was 'me' and I dont do naughty pics. Well ok I sent a pic of my tits to someone the other day but that was the first pic in a very long time!

Needless to say I turned off the chat box for him and carried on my evening. But it really got me thinking why oh why did he even think it was ok to send me a picture of his cock?

Is Lola seeping into real life? I would like a little bit of her to hang around for real, but maybe only for special people that I know wil appreciate it!

Needless to say a few days later when I plucked up the courage to ask him about it, what made him think that it was ok, no reply. He went off chat very quick I can tell you! And the next day he deleted me, nice or what, maybe he did this a lot and no one else had ever questioned him about it before, maybe he was just embarrased, maybe he just realised that his cock really wasn't that much to show off about!

xxxxx

WHY TRY AND IMPROVE ON PERFECTION?

As my old grandad used to say "If it's not broken don't try and fix it!'

If you have a design that's perfect, why try and change it or add to the range? What am I talking about, well silly subject but I'm thinking Rampant Rabbit's. Now this is a subject I feel very qualified to comment on, me and my rabbit until recently had the perfect relationship. The perfect orgasm every time, although I did start to realise 'hang on this is getting a bit like really standard, boring relationship sex!'

Go on admit it we have all had it, it's perfectly good, always concludes with a perfectly adequate orgasm, but before you even start you kind of know exactly what the next 20 mins or so is going to involve. The worst thing is you both think it's great sex, but then one day, usually when someone else makes you hormones zing, you realise 'damn where did the spark go?'

A few months ago I was devastated when when my Platinum Rabbit finally gave up on me, the spinney bit wouldn't spin anymore, them wonderful bunny ears were still doing the fast and furious magic thing, but with out the spinney bit, it just wasn't the same. So as soon as pay day came around I hit the shops ready to arm myself with a new one. Imagine my complete surprise when walking into the local Anne Summers to find that the Rampant Rabbit selection had indeed been breeding like rabbits and I now had a selection of bunnies to choose from. Oh the choices, thruster, g-pulse, platinum plus, elite, twister, wave, heart throb, three way, oh and the thruster delux!

Oh and a couple of them come in a slimmer version - which I found out after a very uncomfortable conversation with the sales assistant in the shop, is for women that are 'too tight' for the big boys! Apparently that's what will break it the quickest, for a few seconds there I thought 'yay I have a nice tight pussy' but then realised that it was more likely that after a few years of a lot of use the poor thing has given up!

So there I am standing there discussing the different pleasure each one offered and I have to say that even I who is usually very open about this kind of thing, found it a little bit wrong discussing my sex toy usage with a woman I had never even met before! My problem, I am the worst person at making decisions, I find it hard enough to choose between Thai or Indian take-away let alone being presented by a vast range of toys that are there solely for my pleasure, but in typical me fashion, rather than make a decision I left the shop without a new rabbit. I made do for a while, after all it's not like I don't have other 'friends' to play with, apparently according to some friends my toy collection is a little large!

But you find one you really like, that hits the spot every time and you stick with it! But every now and again you see something and thing lets give you a go, like picking up a hot man for a bit NSA fun, but after one go you think that was 'nice' but not great and you go back to what you know, ah the penny drops - I am having boring relationship sex with my sex toys!

So upon this realisation I thought, right time for a new breed of bunny, it's a shame you cant do some kind of try before you buy scheme, after all if you don't get on with it, it's not like you can give it to one of your friends. After a lot of thinking I settled for the thruster delux, main reason its doesn't have the new longer flicky ears that if you get them in the wrong position are more like a whip than is pleasurable and I kind of thought the trusting action could more accurately recreate the pleasures of an actual cock, I have yet to meet a man who can make his spin in circular motions!

All the time, wondering of I had made the right decision, should I have just stuck with the relationship rabbit, all the way home a battle going on in my head, should I have stuck with what I know, had I made the right decision to move on, what if I didn't like the new one, could I cope another month until the next payday to be re-united with the love of my sex life!

I couldn't wait to try out my new friend, but thought I should wait till I was really in the mood, for it's maiden voyage, a nice soak in the bath with a good book (once again thank you black lace) scrummy bath oils, followed by crisp clean sheets, blimey sounds like a first date! After all wouldn't want to set it up to fail.

So suitably relaxed, bathed and more than a little horny after reading best part of a book, oh and some deliciously naughty thoughts about someone who has had me hot under the collar for quite a while now, I retired with my new friend!

My first thought WOW WOW WOW, a little bit of lube and Robert's your mums brother! Total bliss, or so I thought, the next night again the same result, in no time at all the sounds coming from my bedroom would have rivaled the scene in When Harry met Sally - but without the faking obviously. As you can imagine I was a very happy bunny, pardon the pun, but I even nicknamed it Thumper, can you believe it like a stupid love struck teenager I had given my toy a pet name!

However like a grubby affair, the shine has quickly dulled and I find myself wishing I still had the boring relationship rabbit. What makes it worse is that my boring relationship rabbit doesn't exist anymore he got 'deluxed' and now has the ouchy whippy ears! Which brings me back to my initial thought.

WHY TRY AND IMPROVE ON PERFECTION

xxxxx

EPIPHANY!

I had a little epiphany last Saturday night, well more Sunday morning, but it had started off as Saturday night!

The cause of this epiphany, well possibly the same reason as the last epiphany I had exactly 12 months earlier to the night! Is that freaky weird? Because I certainly thought so. Well I did until I realised that, that was the last time I had had that kind of night out and had shall we indulged in all my favourite past times!

Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll!

Or rather should I say all my favourite past times from the bad old days, well nearly all, I could have indulged in every way, but instead I was a good girl and turned down the sex! I know, me turning down the sex, SHOCKER and do you know what, it had the opportunity to be very good sex, could have even been the chance to fulfill one of my fantasies! But nope, I drew the line at a bit of tonsil tennis behind a pillar.

I did however misbehave on every other level! I am not proud of my past, but I'm not ashamed either, in my early 20's I was the perfect 'ladette' drinking copious amounts of alcohol, having sex with a lot of people, many of whom were one nighters. Staying out all night, sometimes all weekend in fact. And most of all swallowing, smoking and snorting any illegal substance I could get my hands on!

This is something that luckily I don't feel the need to do that often these days, hardly ever in fact. Well OK the sex thing still occurs occasionally and the alcohol and the Rock n Roll, but not often the need to obliterate a few more brain cells with narcotics.

Why this particular evening? Well many things I guess.

The date for one, the anniversary of when one of my oldest friends died in a motorbike accident, it was 11 years this year. And it's one of those milestones each year that makes me feel a little bit older, even if no wiser! Every year without even knowing it, we seem to have some big mad night out on the anniversary of the weekend that he died.

No. 2 the fact that we were in the presence of one of of the original 'mad for it' Madchester boys in the shape of the Godlike Genius that is Ian Brown.

Oh and most of all because it was offered to me and it seemed like a great idea at at that point in the evening. Maybe the need to re-create those heady days of the Stone Roses and that it was such an amazing night that I just thought fuck it why not, it seemed like the ideal way to make a great night perfect and it was taking an absolute age to get to the bar anyway!

So this epiphany that I mentioned, there I am towards the end of the gig, dancing away with my new friends, (the ones who had tempted me earlier in the evening with all sorts of goodies like a peado in a playground, kind of like 'do you want to come and play with my new puppy' but more a case of 'do you want to drop one of these little white things I have hidden in my pocket') there we all were, flying thanks to Ebeneezer and Charlie, when one of them whispered something in my ear that made me smile and blush all at the same time.

Suddenly it hit me clear as day, for those few moments I suddenly realised that the past is behind me, in the last few months I have made decisions in my private life that have ensured that, and that no matter how many 'what ifs' I had in my head before, they no longer matter.

Decision number one was deleting FBD completely, mobile number, email address and most importantly as as facebook friend!

The reason for this, the aftermath of a night out in which I very nearly slept with him again, 'just for old times sake' his words not mine! Having spent much of the night plying me with alcohol and reminding me how good the sex we used to have was. Hell yeah I have to admit I was tempted, so tempted that I even got half way home with him. I will even admit that there was some drunken snogging and a bit of a near miss in an alleyway. But suddenly I realised that nothing had changed, it would never be what I wanted it to be. I didn't really want to have sex with him, I just wanted to try and re-create what we had before, but that could never happen. For a start since the last time I fucked him I have been on quite a journey of discovery.

He had over five years done quite a good job at making me think that there was no better sex than what we had. I realise now that if these so called 'feelings' I had once had for him were true, there was no way on this earth I would have fucked his nephew a couple of months ago! Don't go stressing I'm not a kiddy fiddler, the nephew is 30 this week! I may have had feelings for him in the past, but even though in my head I thought a trace of them could still be hanging around, my heart had obviously decided otherwise. So as I said, I made the decision to cut all the ties, I no longer cared what people would say when they realised, no longer my problem, he had never been my guilty secret, the majority of my friends had always known, he was the one with issues not me! In my final email to him I made sure that he finally became aware of how I had really felt about him.

I also wanted to elaborate on my text last night, you could have had me and by that I mean properly, at any time over the past five years, it hasn’t just been about the sex for me, and if you didn't realise that you are a blind fool. For quite a long time and I was ok with that, knowing that you weren’t into having relationships and stuff - my fault for getting too involved. But then I realised it was obviously just me, strange really because all my friends who knew, as in ***** and ** – they are the only people I have ever told, so I am assuming that it was your big gob that told *** and **** and a few other blokes that have mentioned it to me, so I am not the only one who has been indiscrete. Anyway they both told me I could do so much better, but I guess it was actually the other way round, I’m the one that would never be good enough! Other than **** you were the only person I had sex with for that entire time a fact that you seemed to choose to ignore.

One day I hope the realisation of what you could have had hits you and I hope you regret it.

Obviously the names have been changed to protect the in this case innocent, and the contants of the text are extremely personal, but that gives you an idea of how it went.

I am a little sad though, this is someone who has been in my life for more than half of it, in the time that we weren't talking the thing I missed most was nothing to do with sex, it was the friendship, silly little things that I knew he would also find amusing, suddenly there was no one to share them with and now by taking this monumental step, I will never have that again.

Decision two came the following week! And really seeing as he was the reason for 'Lola' I guess should have been a blog post of his own, but do you know what, I realised that it just wasn't worth it! I finally revealed all to my ex - the fact that Lola was me.

So the revenge what form did it take? Did I go ahead with my plans for revealing all to his wife? Did I get my face to face meet where I got to look him in the eye and say haha sucker? Did I get an apology for the way he had treated me?

Simple Answer NO!

After ten months of reeling him in and getting him hooked on the Lola lovin, how did I finish it? An email! Yes wimp out I know, but do you know what, at the end of the day even if I had got my face to face meet, I would still have never got my answers, I realise now that he is a compulsive liar.

Many people have told me that the email wasn't harsh enough that they would have made sure that he paid for his behaviour. But do you know what, I really couldn't be bothered to waste any more energy on the waste of space. I thought what I said summed it up pretty well, it went like this:-

Sorry I couldn't meet you tonight. The one simple reason for that is Lola isn't my real name, the person who you have been lusting after for all these months and desperately wanting to fuck well surprise surprise you have already or rather tried to, gutted hey? You had it, that naughty minx who knew exactly what to say to make your cock hard (well as hard as you manage) she was yours and you threw that away!

In case your still too thick to work out who I am, it's ........ and you have just been well and truly repaid for the pain and heartache you put me through, would like to say it's been fun, and in a way it has, I have taken great pleasure in watching your sad attempts at trying to get a decent hard-on on web cam, this has given me hours and hours of pleasure, and everyone else who knew about it.

Initially I did this because I wanted to get answers from you as to why you treated me like this but I realise now that you can't help yourself. I feel pity for you, that you are obviously so unhappy with your life that you behave in this way.

But beware if you decide to try and get back at me I have saved every single facebook chat, AIM and MSN conversation you have had with Lola and I am more than ready to start distributing it to your wife and I'm sure next time I have a chat with your mum whilst shopping she would love to hear about your indiscretions might blow out of the water her ideas of you being such a perfect husband and father!

I could have wrecked your life, but hey guess I'm just a much better person than you could ever hope to be.

As you can imagine these have both been pretty momentous things both of which happened in such a short space of time. And last weekend as I moved to the music up close and personal with my new friend (yes the last blog post did pop into my head on more than one occasion)it suddenly struck me, these men had between them made me think that I was missing out by not having them in my life, when in fact it was the exact opposite, they were dammed lucky to have had me and it was their loss in not having me in their lives anymore.

xxxxx

BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS

I am surrounded by hot sweaty bodies, all swaying moving in unison to the hypnotic music, the base pounding through me, hitting my solar plexus and making me want to dance, vibrating through the floor to my pussy and making me want to fuck.

The music intensifies, the beat getting stronger and the base harder, is it the music or is it me? Feeling the music now as well as hearing it, every note hitting a different part of my body making me tingle.

Raising my arms in the air, I stand there for a moment and just feel........

Then it hits, the feeling of pure ecstasy as the music take control of my mind and body, eyes closed just listening and hearing, that feeling that starts in my fingers working its way down. My arms, my shoulders, feeling my body start to move and my hips swaying, tingling in my toes, moving up my legs feeling the base pounding, harder and harder, meeting in the middle and then bam!

As it hits, my eyes open and there you are, across the crowded dance floor you feel my eyes burning into you and you look at me, our eyes connected all the people around us turning to haze as our eyes meet. I can feel your eyes burning through my clothes, you know the effect that the music is having on me and I just know it’s having the same effect on you.

The music changes and the crowds rush towards the stage, pushing past me and breaking our eye contact. As I am jostled to the front I search the sea of faces looking for you. The music starts to take over again, four thousand voices singing along, all worshipping at the same alter. God might be a DJ but he could also be a Rock Star!

As the music starts to take over my body again, the feeling returns, that tingle, a primeval beat coursing through my body.

The music starts to take over the heat coursing through my body, raising my arms, I lift my hair to allow the air to cool my neck and that’s when I feel it, not the feeling of cool that I was expecting but hot breathe on my neck.

Without turning to look, I know it you. Feeling you dancing closer and closer, your body pressing up against mine, our bodies instinctively moving together in time to the music.

Raising my arms in the air as I sway, feeling your hot hard body pressed against me, your hands raise up and run down my arms, slowly caressing every inch starting with my fingers, down lower and lower, moving round to the inside of my arms, lower and lower, I know that within seconds your hands will be on my tits, the thought makes my pussy twitch, wondering if you will stop to play with my aching nipples or if you will just tease me and carry on down my body. Pushing back against you I can feel your hard cock pressing against the small of my back, knowing that you are just as turned on as I am.

Your hands rest briefly on my nipples, just long enough for me to feel it, I arch my back to push them harder against your hands, trying to get some satisfaction from the feeling of your touch. Your hands begin to move further down my body, down over my side, to my hips, where they rest pulling me back against you. Small gentle kisses rain across the back on my neck up towards my ears, you tongue on my neck flicking, my eyes close thinking of your tongue flicking over my clit.

Suddenly the music changes, I have lost all concept of time, the song that I know so well has passed me by. You spin me round to face you, my arms drop to your shoulders, my hair falling back over my shoulders, as the beat begins to pick up again and the crowd sways I stare into your eyes as you alter our position slightly so one of your legs is between mine, pulling me closer and closer to you, feeling your leg pushing against my wetness, the friction causing the seam of my jeans to tease my clit making the need to fuck you even more intense.

Reaching down between us, your hand thrusts between my legs, pushing and rubbing the heat intensifying through my body, I can feel it spreading through my body, my breathing getting faster and faster, suddenly my whole body goes rigid and as my orgasm breaks, you kiss me sliding your tongue into my mouth, my pussy pulsing and contacting, I can feel my jeans getting soaked as my cum spreads. Your tongue carries on exploring, as my breathing slows and the sensation fades, I pull away and rest my head on your shoulder, my heart still racing and the aftershocks of my orgasm zinging through my body.

As reality returns I can feel your cock hot and hard against me, the exhibitionist part of me wants to sink to my knees right there in the crowd and take your hard length in my mouth, sucking gently on the tip of your cock as my hand wraps round the base of your shaft, then flicking with my tongue, running it slowly down your shaft up and down. Taking it in my mouth and sucking hard as I wank your shaft into my mouth, looking up into your eyes, watching as you throw your head back and give yourself over to pleasure. Knowing that other people would be watching us and getting satisfaction from watching, a real life porn film right in front of them.

Jerking me out of my fantasy world, you take my hand and pull me towards the back of the room, away from the flashing lights and the crush of people, into the darkness. As my eyes adjust to the lack of light I see that we are under the metal stairs that take people up to the bar area, other music lovers are walking up and down oblivious to the fact that we are below them.

Pushing me backwards, my back resting against the wall, I reach back to steady myself, I can feel the condensation running down the walls, the result of all those hot sweaty bodies. And know the temperature in our dark little hiding place is about to rise even more.

Reaching up I pull your head down towards me, a hand either side of your head, pausing for a second to look into your eyes, taking in your face, your lips are perfect, I can imagine them all over my body. Then we are kissing hard and fast, our tongues flicking against each other, as we kiss, your hands start to run up my body, your fingers grazing over my rock hard nipples, pausing to squeeze them, my breath catching as you do so, pushing my tits together with your hands. Your thumbs running backwards and forwards over my aching tips, each touch making my nipples harder and my clit throb, feeling the dampness in my knickers grow as you tease me.

One hands lowers, working its way down my body, catching on the button of my jeans, I hold my breath hoping that you will undo them and slide your fingers into my wetness, circling my throbbing clit and then sliding inside me. But no, you pass my button and carry on down to the junction between my legs, rubbing hard against the fabric of my jeans. I feel cheated, I don’t want to cum again without feeling your fingers on my skin, I need your fingers or your cock inside me, your thumb on my clit pushing me closer and closer to the edge of the abyss.

Reaching down between our bodies I decide to move things along, feeling for your thick hard cock through your jeans, the size of it takes my breath away; I can’t wait to feel it inside me. I try to free it with one hand but can’t, belts and fly buttons need two hands, I know that I need two hands but right now the only thing keeping me upright is my hand on your shoulder, every nerve in my body is screaming arousal, the tingle starting in my toes.

Then I hear your voice in my ear “On your knees” without a second thought for my jeans on the filthy wet floor I kneel down and look up into your face, and watch as you slowly undo your belt, slowly un-doing your top few fly buttons. In my kneeling position the seam of my jeans it pushing hard against my clit, I want to start slightly moving my hips to get the full benefits of the pressure. I gasp, as your cock is revealed to me, thick and long. I’m torn, I know what you want but I need to feel it inside me, I’m desperate to feel my pussy contracting hard and wet on your cock as I cum. But this is no longer about what I want your cock is in front of my face and I can’t resist. Reaching up wrapping my hand around your shaft, it feels so solid and hot I know you are just as close to cuming as I am. Reaching forward I guide your cock to my mouth, a shiny drop of pre-cum glistening in the flashing lights as I lean in and take the end in my mouth.

Swirling my tongue round the tip I realise just how big it is and I know that I won’t be able to handle much of it, so I start to slowly wank your shaft into my mouth, working in time to the music which has slowed in tempo, but the bass is banging hard and insistant, just like the pulse between my legs signalling my orgasm approaching fast. Your hands rest on my shoulders, your grip increasing as I start to suck harder on your cock, one hand moving up in to my hair holding my head as you start to take over the rhythm, fucking my mouth, pulling slightly on my hair.

Then suddenly you stop pulling me to my feet your hand still in my hair, the other hand reaching down between my legs, I’m sure you can feel my wetness through my jeans. Then you’re undoing them, your fingers instantly inside my knickers, and before I can catch my breath your finger fucking me hard, two fingers, then three. Having seen your cock I know you’re getting me ready for your cock, opening me up slowly. I thrust against your hand aching for you to touch my clit. Just the slightest touch will make me cum.

Suddenly I feel empty as you stop, “Open your mouth” you say and I know that your fingers are heading for my mouth, and I smile as I feel them slide into my mouth, tasting my juices on your fingers sucking hard tasting my own juices.

Then your spinning me round, pushing me up against the wall, kissing my neck, running your hands down my back and then grasping the waistband of my jeans pulling them down past my knees. Suddenly I can hear all the people on the metals staircase and I know that at any moment one of them could look down and see me standing there with my jeans round my knees, as you run your fingers over my arse cheeks. Your hands stop moving and suddenly I feel them on my hips, your foot between my legs pushing my feet further apart your grip increasing then suddenly I feel it.

The tip of your cock pushing against me, you have it in your fist and you’re running it up and down my wetness, teasing me, pausing and then I gasp as you slowly enter me, your cock rests just inside me, I want to push back but your hands hold my hips so hard I can’t move. After what seems like an age, but is really a few seconds you start to move slowly filling me. I can feel my orgasm building the tingling in my body increasing, my pussy starting to throb. Then I feel your fingers on my clit, one touch is all it takes and the combination of your cock filling me, stretching me and the pressure on my clit, every nerve in my body is tingling and I begin to shake, my breath leaving my body as my orgasm explodes, my pussy contracting hard on your cock, every pulse covering your cock with my cum.

Before I have time to recover you pull your cock out and spin me round again, kissing me once hard and then forcing me back down onto my knees “Oh I’m going to enjoy this” you say as you guide your cock back towards my mouth, and your cock is in my mouth its slippery with my cum and my mouth moves faster and easier over it taking more into my mouth than I thought I could handle, instinctively my hand wrapping round the shaft starting to slowly move up and down, increasing the pressure, my other hand squeezing your balls feeling them tighten knowing your about to cum, anticipating that first hot salty spurt on my tongue sliding down the back of my throat.

Pushing my hand away, you pull back slightly so that just the tip of your cock is in my mouth, looking down at me, your lift my chin with your finger “I’m going to cum all over your beautiful face” you say as you start wanking your shaft harder and harder, just far enough so that it’s just resting on my lips knowing that in just a few moments you cum will be running down my face, on my cheeks, my chin. Your head jerks back and I close my eyes as I feel the first hot sticky spurt gush out over my lips, then on my cheek, then the other cheek, it keeps pumping and I feel it running down my chin, dripping down onto my tits, you stand there with your back against the wall breathing hard as you recover, looking down into my face and seeing your cum glistening the lights that hit us through the crowds, you reach down and take my hand pulling me to my feet.

Reaching into your back pocket you pull out some tissue and wipe my face, that perfect mouth kissing my face as you wipe me clean, the end of my nose, my cheeks and then finally on my mouth. Soft gentle kisses, kisses that make me want to do it all over again.

Finally after you have helped me pull up my jeans, you push my hair behind my ear and lean in to whisper in my ear. “Later it will be you wiping your cum off my face.” Giving me one final kiss you let go of me and let me drift into the crowd finding my friends, going back to yours knowing that later we will be doing that all over again.

BIT LATE TO TELL ME NOW!

Blasts from the past just keep getting more and more interesting.

As I said before there are a few blasts from the past, that have been popping up in 'real' life. People that I have shagged in the past that is one thing, but this is a whole lot more interesting.

We all have someone maybe from our pasts that we all think, 'I wish I had got to fuck you at least once.'

Well one of mine has shall we say re-emerged and guess what? HE WISHES WE HAD TOO!

Talk about flabbergasted, I've been smiling about it all weekend, majorly flattered of course, finding out that someone who I've always though was a bit of a hottie, but was way out of my league. Actually not out of my league (as if that would happen, JOKE), but definitely someone that I never thought would never have been interested in me, to find that he actually has been having naughty thoughts about me for, oh about 20 years apparently, that feels very very good!

Shame he decided to wait and tell me after he has moved away to the West Country. BIT LATE TO TELL ME NOW!

If only he had still been here, or even a little bit nearer, I would have been more than happy to show him what he had missed out on. Although to be fair and entirely honest, in the old days, I was no where near so good in bed as I am now, but shhhh don't tell anyone those that enjoyed the experience back then might feel a bit cheated. So if he had fucked me when I was in my early 20's he possibly wouldn't have been quite as impressed. This is definitely a case where practice really does make perfect. And I am a great believer that women especially don't come into their own in the sexual arena until they reach their 30's. I remember reading an article in a men's magazine once - quite why I was reading a men's magazine I don't know. I'm not talking top shelf stuff, just Maxim or GQ something like that. Anyway this article was about how when a woman hits 30, she is much more likely to be open to trying out things, something I would definitely agree with. Since I hit 30 although I might have had less sex than I did in my 20's, it's been very good and sometimes down right dirty amazing sex, with a few very happy men!

Irony of it all is, both of us back in the day did our fair share of spreading the love around our small but fun little town, but never did each other. I asked him about it on Saturday and his reply, he thought I was always Miss Confident and would never be interested. And being a man that has. let's say a certain image to preserve, never tried where he thought he might fail. As for me, I thought he was Mr Cool, the women he was seen with were always rather cool, a bit hippy chic, definitely nothing like me. I have had people say this to me before, that when I was/am out and about with the girls, I can sometimes come across as Miss Confident/Unapproachable, little do they know, nothing is further from the truth. Guess I am a much better actress than I ever thought.

Irony number two, is that he was only the second man that I know, to find out about the existence of 'Lola' which feels a little odd, to say the least. He seems to quiet like the idea of the naughty minx. But can I be her for someone I have known for what seems like forever, when I am finding it harder to be 'Lola' for those who only know her,and near impossible to be her for those that know the real me. Even Mr Fantastic Phone Sex, I seem to be loosing the ability to be Lola with him, the naughty, dirty minx that attracted him at first, not sure I can be her anymore. Not when it's me that wants him not Lola!

Anyway, all this has got me thinking about the real me and the past (cue a few more posts about blast from the past and sex in strange places) and that actually do you know what, I have in the past had a ball.

xxxx

THE BIRTH OF AN ALTER EGO

So anyone who has read this blog from the start will know that I came into this as a woman with a decimated heart. So how did plans for revenge turn into an alter ego?

When me and Mr X were an item, one of the things that I found it very hard to come to terms with, were the vast numbers of what I then termed 'facebook sluts' (hey guess who's one of them now!) who were added daily to his friends list. I couldn't understand where the hell they all came from?

I did ask him once, his excuse, they saw a man in uniform and added him! At the time I thought nothing more of it but as timw went on and things got worse, I began to think hang on, why’s that, after all he was not a young, fit, hot, soldier/sailor/policeman/fireman, (I mention them all to protect the not so innocent!) That I could understand but a man who was slightly overweight and in his profile picture looks more than a little odd, a bit like a cross between Pigsy from Monkey Magic and Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. Yes, yes, I was with someone less than attractive, but remember love is blind people and I established a long time ago that for me it’s not what a person looks like, it’s what they do for my head!

So where the hell were all these girls coming from? Did I ever consider that in fact he was adding them, of course not! Alarm bells should have been flooding my mind with harsh sounds, but no. Wrapped in my safety blanket of love, my usual good judgement and natural cynicism went out the window and I was completely and utterly oblivious to the seedy world he existed in.

My best friend has since said, it was like he was a paedophile grooming a young girl, he was saying everything I wanted to hear - or what he thought I needed to hear.

The irony of it all, I am definitely not that girl, we all know them the type of girl that a man needs to promise the world to get a shag, never have been and never will be. Anyone who knows me through facebook and has got to know me well, will have got the picture that I'm pretty much up for it, I like sex way too much to be that choosey, so all the bullshit and the promises were unnecessary to start off with which makes them in hindsight all the harder to swallow.

In fact it took another player (FBD) to make me wise up and accept what was right in front of my eyes. It was at the party of a good friend. I hadn't seen FBD for a while, well not since the incident just after Mr X had left and FBD had sorted me out with some proper sex! He had been on holiday for a few weeks and I wasn't expecting to see him at the party seeing as he had only got back that lunchtime. But as I arrived at the party with friends I saw his car, and it all sort of fell into place from there, from the outset we both knew how the evening would end. That was the first night we went a little bit more public, people saw us dancing together and also leaving together!

OK so officially I was still Mr X's girlfriend, however the enormity of his lies and deception was already in my head but I had just pushed it firmly to the back of my mind, if I didn't think about it, it wasn't real and I didn't have to face the awful truth of it all.

That night FBD and I had a good catch up, both in bed and out and finally I started to accept the truth or more like he made me see the truth! I would like to think that he did it because deep down he really cared about me, but I have a little idea that once again he was doing it for purely selfish reasons, he was worried about the rather amazing sex stopping. He made me sit down, albeit in a very drunken state and look at things rationally; forcing me to step outside my feelings for a while (not hard when the best part of a bottle of Jack Daniels had been consumed). Asking what would I be thinking if this was happening to one of my friends, if I saw a man treating one of my friends like this, what I would say to her, to make her see sense.

As the sun came up and I started to sober up slightly and with the clarity of mind bought on by a little bit of Colombia’s finest, (ok so not clarity but very focused) not something I ever do anymore, but in this instance it seemed fitting. As I sat there watching another man sleep, I finally kind of accepted that the man I was in love with had played me well and truly, the wife that had supposedly left him, was still very much his wife! The future I had envisaged for myself and we had talked about was never going to happen.

For a few more weeks though I still found myself making excuses for it, dragging it out, however by this time I was really just pushing for him to tell me the truth, to be a man and tell me that it was over, but no he kept stringing me along, excuse after excuse.

After I finally took the step and called time on the relationship. I tried to get on with things, but the more I found out about the depths of his lies, the depth of which I could never ever predicted, the more I found out the worse and worse things appeared. And the more I found out the more I needed to get back at him and finally a plan started in my head. I had to become someone else to see exactly what he was up to.

The main problem now being that for a while there I lost sight of what Lola was created for - REVENGE. A revenge that seemed to have seeped away and I haven't if I'm honest done half the things I anticipated, hopefully the saying that 'revenge is a dish best served cold' will work in my favour, because this cold dish is about to be served, on a silver platter, uniformed waiting staff, the full shebang!

Quite how far this revenge is going to go I'm still working on. Can I really be as callous as I originally intended to be, can I really do that to another woman, tell her what a lying cheating down and dirty bastard her husband is. Does any woman ever really need to know that? How would I feel if someone approached me out of the blue and told me, would I even believe it? Probably not, will it make me feel better doing it? No. However it will be immensely satisfying, not just for me, but for other people who have seen me through the deepest darkest days of my life.

If I'm honest I have no 'feelings' for him anymore, haven't done for a long time, unless you count pity. Why pity? Because his life must be so empty and devoid of fun and love that he needs to behave in this manner. Having now seen what he does to get his kicks, a happy person in a loving and fulfilling marriage doesn’t need to do that. I should be satisfied just knowing this and yet I still feel pity, is that sign that there are the teeniest remainder of feelings there, or is it perhaps the evidence that no matter what, I am always going to be the better person, that despite the way he treated me, I still have the compassion within me to feel pity and sorrow for him.

Why am I telling you all this now? Well there is of course every chance that with the reason behind Lola about to be put to rest I may feel the need to leave her behind completely. At the moment it is a rather emotive issue for me, can I be Lola when there is no longer a reason for her existence?

I have had a whale of a time, made some amazing friends, had some seriously sexy exchanges, all of which has made me so much more aware of who I actually am, what I what from life and also what I don’t want from a relationship. But what it has made me realise is that ultimately, that is what I want, a relationship, the future that we discussed and talked about that’s what I need. Ideally with someone who can be my friend, my lover and accept me for who I am, who can stimulate me both mentally and physically, appreciate my shall we say, slightly dirty mind, but I now reality has kicked in and I accept that there are not many men out there who would be willing to accept the existence of Lola and still be able to see me for the person that I really am, yes there are men who know ME and are very appreciative of that naughtier side of me, and as much as I want it in some cases (one in particular very much so) if I am honest with myself, it’s never going to happen.

The two are such poles apart; Lola is a caricature, a work of fiction! I have always had a very vivid imagination and maybe she is my greatest creation ever, but that is what she is a work of fiction, yes the thoughts are my own, what I have written about is about ‘me’ things that have happened to me in real life, none of it has ever been a lie, but there is so much more to me than Lola, maybe there is a tiny part of me that is her, I have taken the glimmer of her that exists within me and embellished her to become this caricature of a woman, like Jessica rabbit or Betty Boop, all woman but very much not real and any man that falls for Lola, probably isn’t going to get what he really wants from the real me.

Hey I may decide that Lola is still a part of me that I’m not ready to let go just yet, we shall see.

xxxxx